Tuesday, January 30, 2007

you're taking this job too seriously

alright, not sure if there's much to this one, but it really pissed me off.

so i bought breakfast in the lunchroom at work. the food isn't too bad. they have a breakfast item called "the mini". it's one egg, 1 piece of bacon or sausage, some hashbrowns, and one piece of toast. it's quite inexpensive at under 2 dollars ($1.58 i believe). it was discovered, some time ago, that getting a double-mini would be less expensive than the regular breakfast and it actually gets you just as much food. i don't know when this discovery was made, or by whom, but some versions of the story feature a little known mythical creature called the unicorn.

in either case, i got a double-mini this morning. when i arrived at the register to pay for my meal, the cashier did a double take. when i clarified that it was the double mini, she said the following ridiculous words, "you have 3 pieces of bacon, i'll have to charge you for the regular breakfast." wait...what? yeah, that's right. because the cook accidentally gave me 3 pieces of bacon, instead of 2, i had to be charged full price.

well, i know what you're thinking. it doesn't get any more insane than that. you're wrong! when i told her that i asked the cook for a double mini and all i had was what he gave me, she replied "well, if you throw away the 3rd piece of bacon, i'll only charge you for the double-mini." that's when i laughed at her as i threw away 1 piece of bacon. after tax the regular breakfast is an extra 47 cents. no big deal right? but when you consider that the extra 47 cents would be charged just because of 1 piece of bacon...

this was the dumbest thing i had heard someone say today! and i work in customer service...i hear a lot of stupid things! you want to charge me an extra 47 cents for 1 piece of bacon?! are you retarded?!!! wait, don't answer that. it's a rhetorical question. you need a vacation. is there a bacon shortage of some kind? are you protecting the bacon? you must have trouble keeping it. perhaps there was a recent labor dispute where your boss told you there would be a pay cut in order to afford more bacon. do you hate bacon? don't punish me because i like bacon!!! oh, oh, wait...is it magic bacon??? here, here's a nickel, just let me keep the damn bacon. surely it can't cost your business more than that!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

and the nominees are...

ahhhh, pre-oscar talk.

i will make this short (or, at least, shorter than my usual post):

Babel (Paramount and Paramount Vantage) Alejandro González Iñárritu ;
The Departed (Warner Bros.) Martin Scorsese ;
Letters from Iwo Jima (Warner Bros.) Clint Eastwood ;
The Queen (Miramax, Pathé and Granada) Stephen Frears ;
United 93 (Universal and StudioCanal) Paul Greengrass ;

really, the only concerns here are Babel and Letters from Iwo Jima. there is concern not because the directors are better, but concern because the academy would consider them legitimate excuses not to give scorsese the oscar. now, since the academy appears to have some kind of weird hatred for scorsese, i would feel better if the alternative winner was Babel. it better not be that damn clint eastwood, i'll tell you that much.

look for the results of this one right here after feb 25...the only way there will be any real outrage from me is if Letters from Iwo Jima or The Queen win this category. there's no way that United 93 will win, and if Babel wins, i will register my severe disappointment, but i don't think there will be any actual outrage.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


so a while back, the warden buys a new liquid soap for the bathroom. great! i love liquid soap. i thought nothing of it until i noticed what the scent was...

i was washing my hands when i had a sudden craving for a grape popsicle. strange, because popsicles aren't normally an item i find myself yearning for while i'm washing my hands. then i realized that something was causing this phenomenon: soap!

yeah, that's right, the soap was grape scented. wtf?! who the hell makes grape scented soap??? i'm not talking about bar soap, normally even when it's given a delicious sounding scent, it's not that close to what it's supposed to smell like. it still smells generally like soap...or a candle. bottom line is it doesn't smell like something i would want to eat. but this was different. the only thing that stopped me from guzzling the grape soap was the dozen times i had to remind myself that it was soap just to get through washing my hands.

what on earth are people thinking!? soap does not need to smell delicious. it needs to make our hands clean. is there really that much of a demand for soap that doesn't smell like soap? and what is wrong with something that smells like soap? we're not talking air fresheners here people. recently, i even saw a liquid soap at my friend's place that was "black raspberry and vanilla" scented. it smelled like candy. i almost forgot i needed to wash my hands, i wanted to run out and make myself a bowl of ice cream so i could cover it in that stupid soap and have myself a delicious snack!

this is retarded. i want to plead with all the soap making companies, just make it smell like regular soap again. someday i may not be able to stop myself from actually tasting the stuff you're making now. you don't want that on your head!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

happy 30

this isn't a rant. i just want to wish the warden a happy 30th birthday. i really do love you a lot and hope it was exactly what you hoped!