Monday, December 19, 2005

film review, standardrant style

actually, this isn't a rant. but, i saw "king kong" yesterday and feel compelled to share my breakdown of the movie. it contains absolutely no spoilers and gives you a wonderfully complete summary of my reaction to everything i saw, heard, and felt. so, here it is:

35% Thrill
65% Suck

Sunday, December 18, 2005

cinematic chit-chat

well, the edge of my anger has worn off...since this happened a week ago. but if i think about the incident long enough, i get pissed off again.

so i go to see narnia. i had looked forward to it for a year and was really ready to enter the world of narnia with the characters in the movie. of course, in order to do so, i would have to "leave" the world i'm in. normally this isn't difficult to do at the theater or even sometimes at home. i try to get lost in the world of the characters when i'm watching a movie.

now, for those of you who are reading this and haven't seen narnia, i will do my best to avoid spoilers (of course, if you read the book when you were younger, like you should have, there really aren't any spoilers in this movie and you should be ashamed of yourself for hoping i would avoid them!).

so i'm in the empty room with little lucy and as she walks past the fur coats and feels the evergreen tree, i can feel the wind of the narnian woods when i hear a not-so-quiet voice declare (in a faux whisper, no less), "that's the secret world of narnia, she got to it through the wardrobe".


yes, that's right, as i'm trying to get lost in lucy's world, i hear someone back in my world, a few seats over from me in the world of "moov e theater" explain to someone next to them what was happening on the screen.

now, if it happened just the one time it would be ok. but it went on at random times throughout the movie. this woman would explain to the man she was sitting with what the characters on the screen were experiencing. it was completely ridiculous! granted, i have no idea what kind of arrangement they have worked out between them where, for some absurd reason, he has agreed that she will explain movies to him without his explicit request at the time of explanation.

if that's the case, wait until the bloody thing is released on video to make good on your agreement or keep your talk the hell down so others who don't need every single thing explained to us can enjoy ourselves too!

Friday, December 16, 2005

behind the icy wheel

okay, lately a lot of my posts have been about driving. i happen to spend a lot of time in a car, and it's not because i enjoy driving around. i only want to be in my car to get from point A to B, and i like the trip to be over as soon as possible. it also just so happens that i get extremely pissed off when i'm driving, and for very good reason.

understand something: winnipeg drivers, for the most part, are worse than drivers in some other canadian cities that i've been to. reason being: you have to think that, while some drivers with manitoba plates haven't necessarily been in winnipeg for a while, the majority of them driving around (during the day especially) probably have been here for at least a couple of years.

i don't understand how it's possible to forget how to drive during winnipeg winters...every...bloody...year! it happens every year; the snow falls and there's some ice on the road and 1 of 2 things inevitably happen: either people drive way too slow or they drive ridiculously dangerous. there doesn't seem to be much in between.

if you ask my wife, who's usually more honest (and possibly objective) about my driving than i am, i am pretty good at the happy medium. but there are some people who do 40 K/h in a zone that's normally 80, or people who change lanes without signalling their intentions and do so within inches of another car who they're cutting off and expect the car in the destination lane to simply slam on the breaks without consequence! this prompts me to immediately yell "jackass!" or something else of the curse variety that some of you have probably never heard me say if you know me.

People of Winnipeg: Commit to memory what it takes to drive during a Winnipeg winter, and adjust to road conditions...but be REASONABLE for crying out loud!!!

btw, stay tuned for a rant about a recent cinematic experience that was particularly irritating.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

driving fish

i don't know if i mentioned something about this before but i'm doing it now. i'll try to keep it short, and to the point.

people should really think twice before affixing a fish icon to the back of their car. inevitably, the ones with the fish on the back of their car can be some of the worst drivers to ever start a car.

if you associate that fish with any sort of element of faith in your life that you have respect for, you would think twice before displaying that fish so casually. it really doesn't help the impression others have of christians when they see that fish and see you driving like an idiot.

plus, is there really a purpose to wearing that fish like a banner on your car? do you really think it's gonna be a positive influence on the people around you...or is it more just an announcement of pride? you know, pride is a vice!

so if you're reading this and you have a fish on the back of your car, just know that it would be better for the faith and people's impressions of it if you didn't.

shopping stupidity

why don't stupid people stay home?

the other day i was shopping for a set of popcorn bowls for my wife. now, for those unfamiliar with the culture of the kernel, a set of popcorn bowls usually involves a large serving bowl and 4 individual, smaller, bowls.

so i'm at a particular store looking for a set of bowls and i ask one of the store people if they sell any. after getting an answer, a woman nearby can't help but to blurt out "movie night, huh?"

acutally, yes. the wife and i were at home and had rented a movie and i thought to myself, "this movie would be really incomplete if we couldn't put our popcorn in a set of popcorn bowls. so i went out, completely spontaneously, and decided to go from store to store in a last minute attempt to find popcorn bowls."

idiot! why would someone go out to find popcorn bowls for a movie night?! do you even know what season it is? i don't suppose you could possibly assume it's a gift? what business is it of yours anyway?

note to stupids: do us and yourself a favor, just go about your own business and do your own shopping and spare the rest of us from your little brain fart thoughts!

the suckerpunch

i hate winnipeg. it sucks. the weather only gets you while you're looking the other way. one second it's "it's gonna be a mild winter", the next second you're getting 30 mph winds that take the temps from -15 to -35. it's a suckerpunch in the balls is what it is. and we have no defense. damn, i hate winnipeg!