joys of womanhood

so, clearly i can't write about this from a 1st person perspective. i realize that convincing myself i can understand what the opposite sex endures would be a lie. however...

the stupidity of a particular ad campaign geared toward women kind of makes me think women should be pissed off about it. it's the feminine product always. their retarded slogan? "have a happy period"...what?

again, i clearly don't actually know exactly what women experience when they have their "period", but from what i've heard it's far from happy. let's see, feeling bloated, having wicked bad pain in the abdominal region, and...oh, yeah, blood coming out of the whoo-ha. these are all known to be some of the more common experiences during a woman's period.

but, hey, as long as you use always, it will be a happy time because they're made of sunshine and rainbows!

why the hell aren't more women complaining about this ad campaign??? it doesn't seem right that i'm the only one pissed off about this. come on ladies! wake the hell up! they're telling you that having a regular time where you bleed for like 4 or 5 days straight can be a happy time.

i'll bet the next time the warden's in the middle of having her girly problems if i said, "come on, have a happy period" i'd have to go the hospital to get my happy broken arm taken care of.

Dead Wise Guys

Well, the Oscars were relatively satisfying this year. Yes, that's right, relatively. You were expecting me to gloat, right?
First of all, they could have easily cut 90 minutes from the show. Yeah, those involved in every aspect of the industry need to see the "best" of the best, but we don't. I don't need to see 3 or 4 people kissing Al Gore's ass. What a tremendous waste of time. He's not Jesus or Ghandi people! He made a movie that presented a very passionate view on global warming. Well, that's great. They made it sound like he's the man who realized the concept. The praise was of the same magnitude you might expect for someone who cured a certain common type of cancer. Come on. It's global warming...you needed a film?

And that Melissa Etheridge song. Good gravy! That was a terrible song. Yeah, you better thank Al Gore, Melissa. Your association with his film is the reason you won your Oscar, it wasn't that damn song.

Alright, you have to remember, the Departed hadn't gotten much attention at this point in the ceremony. I was extremely pleased that William Monahan won for best adapted screenplay. He deserved that Oscar almost as much as Scorsese deserved his. Really. The script is fantastic. And Thelma Schoonmaker...the thing is she won for the Aviator the last time around and for Raging Bull during that fateful year when the Academy was apparently struck retarded during the selection of the winner for Best Director.

But then the moment arrived. When I saw who was presenting the award for Director, I knew who was going to win. I mean, the Cosa Nostra of Directors walked out on that stage together like they were getting ready to "make" the newest member of the mafia. Coppola, Lucas, Spielberg. 3 men widely recognized among the best directors of all time in film history. How could they not be presenting for Scorsese. Those men were chosen on purpose. A way of telling Marty, "Hey, look, this award is way overdue, but who better to deliver the good news then some of your closest friends and colleagues?" Then they announced it. And as much as I predicted the winner based on the feeling I got from seeing the presenters, nothing could have prepared me for the complete elation I felt when they said the name.

I mean, how many times have they overlooked the ridiculous amount of talent that Scorsese has? Seriously! And no, this doesn't make up for all those times. Even giving The Departed Best Picture doesn't make up for all that. But these things are a good start. Yes, when I was 28...it was a very good year. Now if only they would have completed this year's justice by awarding Best Supporting Male to Mark Wahlberg (or, at the very least, Djimon Honsou), instead of that inside the box acting by Alan Arkin, that would have made it a much more complete year.

Then again, why should they ever do anything completely right at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences?