Saturday, November 10, 2007

the solution to all problems except dancing

so i went to see a friend's band play last night. they're not bad. they're a cover band. really, there's 2 people in the band that outshine the others (my friend and the girl singer).

this is the 2nd time i've gone to see them. the first time was at this white trash bar. a lot of older people, drunk out of their minds and acting like idiots. i mean, i already think people look retarded when they dance (most people...well, white people...there i said it!). when they're drinking it's even worse. alcohol seems to have convinced them that moving one arm around and bending their knees in rhythm to the beat is a "hot move".

this bar was a little different. mostly younger people and a lot cleaner. people were dancing when we got there. but something strange happened to me. i felt like i was getting deja vu. i looked around the dance floor and saw the exact same moves i saw at the other bar. then i realized something...alcohol makes all people dance the same way (okay, fine, i really mean all white people).

i want to shout at them, "YOU LOOK RETARDED!" but i'm afraid they'll think it's a compliment. white people every where, i speak to you as one of your kinfolk: don't dance. and if you must dance, do so when you're sober! alcohol does not make you look like the people on soul train.


Blogger tzink said...

I think you're confusing white folks inability to dance with their inability to jump. After all, Ricky Martin is white, isn't he?

11/27/2007 11:29 PM  
Blogger johnny m said...

i don't think latino and white are the same thing...

11/28/2007 7:00 PM  
Blogger tzink said...

Hmm, well, what about Eminem?

11/29/2007 12:42 AM  
Blogger tzink said...

Or Marky Mark? He had a funky bunch.

11/29/2007 12:43 AM  
Blogger johnny m said...

well, let's just say if this was a "three strikes, you're out" type of situation, you'd be dangerously close to being out.

eminem has stated he can't dance. marky mark only got by because girls thought he looked good in his underwear.

11/29/2007 8:55 AM  
Blogger tzink said...

Alright, I've got one for you. And you can't argue with this one: Dancing Homer. He was good enough to get his own gig at professional baseball games.

Don't say he's a fictional character and doesn't count, it's your fault for not stipulating that in the rules. That's a valid loophole and it's too late to change it now.

Secondly, don't say that "he's not white, he's yellow." Because, in the Simpsons movie, Mr. Burns is quoted as saying "Ah, so for once, the rich *white* man holds the power." So clearly, the yellow characters consider themselves white.


12/01/2007 2:35 AM  
Blogger johnny m said...

i think i just got owned.

well, here's the thing. i'm actually wondering because i can't remember: was homer drunk when he did that gig?

if not, well, that still proves my theory. he wasn't fantastic but it would have been much worse if he was drunk. if he was drunk, well...maybe duff is like some kind of magical beer. only trouble is that it doesn't exist here.

12/03/2007 2:52 AM  
Blogger pxpaulx said...


12/07/2007 8:57 PM  
Blogger johnny m said...

et tu paulie???


12/09/2007 3:54 AM  
Blogger pxpaulx said...

i'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacriligious way!

12/09/2007 7:47 AM  

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