Monday, July 12, 2004

the mosquito problem

it's no secret that, the world over, winnipeg in famous for 2 things: cold and mosquitos. mind you, the two are mutually exclusive, so all year round we only have one thing or the other. fact is, if we ever had both (and theories of evolution suggest that we soon should), the province would implode and we'd all get sucked into a giant black hole. but i digress...

right now, it's summer. now, unlike most people, i hate summer. hate it. i could not possibly hate summer here more. but it's not just the heat. back yards are breeding grounds for some of the foulest, most carnivorous creatures ever invented (yes, i know that means "meat eaters"...you tell me that mosquitos aren't carnivorous with the huge chunks of flesh missing from my limbs at the end of every summer).

and it's always worse than you ever remember, this year in particular. you see, the city of winnipeg normally treats its citizens to rounds and rounds of anti-mosquito fogging. but this year, winnipeg's summer has been somewhat cooler, mainly at night (believe me, i couldn't be happier about that part). but this also means that city workers stopped fogging the city shortly before they arrived in my community!

they started fogging because it was getting hot, but then stopped because it was unnecessary to fog when the nights are so cool. believe you me, i think i actually heard a chorus of mosquito
cackling when they heard about this. they have actually formed unions because their numbers are so strong. and don't try the weaker repellant...oh no! they've developed a taste for it. some of them have actually evolved to the point where they carry knives and forks so as to more efficiently carve me up.

this just in: the minimum required amount of mosquitos that needed to be found in traps, before the city would begin fogging again, was 25. the "bug department" reported today that the most recent count was 135!

excuse me honey...i'm going to fill the bath tub with the strongest repellant i can find...and then i'm doing laps!!!

4 Comments:

Blogger youtoo said...

I can't believe you hate summer. Even with the mosquitos it's etter than winter. Anyways they fogged your area yesterday so hopefully it helped unless you have a tree hugging granola eating neighbor that asked for a buffer zone. Then you are screwed. BUZZZZZZZ.

7/13/2004 11:23 PM  
Blogger johnny m said...

actually, it's not "etter" (or better) than winter. it's worse. in winter, no matter how cold you feel you can always just pile on more clothes and eventually stay warm. in summer, when it gets hot, you can strip down to what i call "nudie time" and still be hot, BUT YOU CAN'T GO FURTHER! and if you don't have a/c, you're screwed!

7/14/2004 8:15 AM  
Blogger Kyle said...

Dude, stop eating bananas. Mosquito's like banana-blood. No, I'm being serious. Eat tons of garlic, and then the mosquitos will not like you so much. For serious man. When I was in Thailand I learned those two tricks. Now, they have some mighty tasty banana's there, but I learned to control it. At least put garlic on your bananas if you do eat them.

7/22/2004 12:03 AM  
Blogger johnny m said...

you know, i've never met a thai person, and i've never tasted their food...but their advice just doesn't apply. i hate bananas and i probably ingest more garlic than anyone i know (of course, not in its most raw form...). i think it's all the coca cola that i inhale.

7/25/2004 8:36 PM  

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