standarDranT

just watch the f**kin movie!

2010-02-24T03:33:00.003-06:00

this has been bothering me for some time. a recent discussion i had at my favorite cigar shop made me decide i should finally get it off my very hairy, but angry, chest.

what's irritating is the reasons that many people state they disliked this or that movie. yes, it's an opinion thing. everybody's entitled to their opinions...blah blah blah...SAVE IT! if that's your only comment, you may as well say it somewhere else because i don't care.

for instance, to use a very recent example, i was talking to someone about shutter island. i saw it recently and LOVED it. but this isn't a movie review. so, the person i was talking to while we were smoking cigars said that the reason he didn't like it is that a very crucial surprise story element became obvious to him the more he thought about certain very subtle clues in the movie. subtle as in there's no way anyone would normally figure this out on their own, and they weren't actually clues because they weren't intentionally there as clues. so, let me get this straight, you thought the movie was bad because you overthought everything and spoiled it for yourself instead of allowing things to be revealed to you??? YOU'RE A JERKASS.

people of PLANET STUPID, when someone writes a movie, or book, or whatever way they have chosen to tell a story, the idea is to let the storyteller do their job. let the story come to you. are you planning to quit watching the movie?! did you start it without having any awareness of your own schedule and have suddenly realized you don't have time to EVER finish it?! i can just imagine how annoyed your parents must have been with you when trying to read you a book as a child, because they couldn't go 1 page without you asking a stupid question or predicting the ending, "i'll bet the cat in the hat did it!"

explaining that you hated a movie because your mental and intellectual weaknesses prevented you from interacting with it in the way intended does not qualify as legitimate film criticism or make a movie "bad". if you say "that movie was bad because they failed to tell a compelling story" or "i hated it because [so-and-so] can't act", fine. i guess i have to accept that. but if you say "yeah, the cast was great, the dialogue was good, but i saw the ending coming, therefore it's a bad movie," i'm just gonna say you're retarded and move on with my day. ok, i may cuss you out...if i'm having a bad day. in fact, if you can't wait for a story to be told while taking in all the elements of it and interacting with them, maybe you should just stop watching movies.

you suck.

f**k canada post

2009-02-20T09:25:00.002-06:00

alright, well if you're offended by that title then you'll probably be offended by this entire post. it's possible you won't be reading my blog anymore if that's the case. i guess that's the risk i take.

i'm so f**king tired of CP's bulls**t. our postal carriers are CONSTANTLY making baseless complaints about the state of our walkway. they complain that it's not shoveled good enough. the other day, after having had snow on the weekend i shoveled the walk. sorry, i'm not getting out the bloody ice pick. the walk way was flat, and remaining snow was packed down, and there was no ice.

what does our carrier do??? he walks right up to the f**king house, up the f**king stairs, right up to the f**king mailbox, drops nothing in it, and then walks away. this happens for 2-3 days in a row. then, the other day, a supervisor drives by. he gets out of the truck, walks up to our house with a stack of mail, and tells us that the carrier has written "needs to shovel" on every piece of our mail and has refused to deliver. even though he has been walking RIGHT UP to the mail box, that's where he stops.

hey, carrier, you're an asshat. it's f**king winnipeg in winter. you are a postal delivery person. gets some damn boots and deliver the f**king mail.

Korea Krazy

2009-01-30T07:59:00.002-06:00

this just in from the "Committee for the Peaceful Reunification of Korea":

we quit.

PETA Pronouncement

2009-01-28T08:07:00.000-06:00

this just in from PETA:

eating meat makes you "boring in bed".

i don't think i need to follow that up with anything.

the dolby drought

2008-12-29T09:02:00.003-06:00

here's one for the "WTF WERE THEY THINKING???" list:

it seems as though dolby digital is no longer good enough for people producing blu-ray discs. wtf? first, i bought the incredible hulk and it contained it's english track in DTS alone. with only spanish and french in Dolby 5.1, those without a DTS decoder were forced to listen to the movie in (i'm gonna be sick) simulated surround.

now, after recently ordering firefly (thanks to a huge bonus i will be getting for working through the holidays), i notice that they also found dolby unacceptable. firefly is great...but wtf? dolby...not good enough???

listen jerks. the last time i checked, dolby has recently updated their standard to their "true HD" technology so that it would be worthy of the blu-ray format. so smarten the f*** up and stop leaving dolby out. i'm not buying a new amp. i'm not gonna do it!

stupid studios!

a new breed of spam

2008-11-14T12:38:00.002-06:00

yeah, this isn't a rant. just hilarious as far as i'm concerned.

recently i received notifications that comments were made on my blogs. 1 comment on each of the 2 blogs, but on posts i didn't recall.

neither of the comments was particularly insightful and both were written by online personalities i've never heard of. one of them was, "well said". they were both on very old posts. then i clicked on the names of the commenters just to see if they had blogs and, if so, what they were like...

both of them were blogs advertising insurance companies. wtf??? previously, blog comment spam contained ads. full ads for this or that product or site. i suppose they are written in the hope that someone will click on the name and buy some insurance.

is this what passes for stealth nowadays?

damn you, winnipeg.

2008-10-06T11:25:00.002-05:00

it's f*****g rain, not ice! you don't have to go 30 km below speed limit! jerks

american idle

2008-03-06T19:48:00.002-06:00

what the hell?

the last couple of years i have been watching american idol. i honestly think it has been interesting the past couple of years. last year it was worth it, as blake lewis nearly took the trophy. he's a good beatboxer, and that impresses me.

the year before, yet again the better competitor took 2nd place, as taylor hicks beat out katherine mcphee. honestly, katherine was better.

this year has been ok so far. but last night pissed me off. those of you who watch know that it's 80s week. a bunch of people chose cliche, boring standards like tainted love and some of the other songs you see in the wedding singer. people, those songs are in a COMEDY because they are classic cheese.

but during 80s week, not one...NOT ONE person chose to sing a U2 song! WHAT?! not even the IRISH GIRL. come on carlie, even the aussie guy chose a song by an australian band in the last couple of weeks!

U2 was probably the greatest band in the 80s...during the entire decade. and not one person elects to sing a U2 song? granted, not all of them are attainable. i'm quite certain that "with or without you" or "running to stand still" or even "one tree hill".

you people are idiots.

No thanks to the Academy

2008-01-23T08:22:00.000-06:00

Well, you've managed to top yourselves again, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences!

The oscar nominations were released the other day. I'm particularly pissed off about 1 category: Best animated feature film of the year.

WTF!!! 3 movies? You retarded chimpanzees! What, the Simpsons too low brow for you snobs? HUH!?!?!? You couldn't even give it so much as a nod? Sure, it's not going to win. I can accept that you're too closed minded for that. But we all know that you've previously nominated many a film just for the sake of tipping your cap, not because it has an actual shot at winning. With only 3 movies nominated in the category, your not nominating The Simpsons Movie is actually a dead give away of your intentions. This is a message to the filmmakers that "we don't like you, and never have, and we finally get a chance to demonstrate this completely ignorant point of view".

You !^(%ing jerks.

i am pissed off

2008-01-13T01:31:00.000-06:00

went to go see i am legend tonight. if you actually want to see what i thought of it, feel free to visit my other blog. that's not what this post is about.

this post is about my experience of the theater. the experience surrounding the movie.

first, we'll start in the parking lot. for those who just got out of a coma, it's winter. winter in winnipeg is...an experience. you see, when there's snow on the ground it's hard to see the lines in the parking lot. this leads to some very haphazard "survival of the fittest" type parking. people park wherever and however they want. even if it doesn't make any sense. and they feel they have an excuse because the structure created by parking lines has been temporarily abolished.

well, you see, it's been unseasonably warm in winnipeg recently. that, combined with the usually timely cleaning of major parking lots, makes it a lot easier to see the lines. but, the other thing that winnipeg suffers from, year round, is

major retardation of the majority of drivers!!!

people, when you can see all the lines in the parking lot you no longer have an excuse to park anyway and anywhere you want. idiots. these people were parking well outside of the structure that lines create. unfortunately, this kind of retardation is much like the virus in legend, contagious. below is a dramatization of what completely infuriates me. as you can see, some understand the need for structure in this kind of environment. most do not.

so, because i was already late for the movie i had to ignore exactly how much this pissed me off. then i get in and, for some reason, it's unreasonably busy. so i take one of the "self serve" ticket stations. then a guy says to me, "hey, the line starts back there." so, again, not wanting to start something that would make me later, i went. however, here's the situation... there's 5 ticket stations and, from my point of view, 5 lines. 4 long lines and one very short one. what the morons ended up doing was forming one very long line for 2 stations and then the next person in the long line would alternate to which ever station opened up first. more retardation. if only the assholes in line would realize that things would go quicker if the lines formed at each station i would not have missed the beginning of my movie!!!

finally, there's the end of the movie. if you read my review of the movie you'll know why i wanted to sit and take it in during the credits. but, of course, lemmings that they are, almost everyone in the theater began f***ing running out as soon as they saw the words on the screen that meant the credits were running. a few of them had the balls to give me a prolonged, quizzical look as they departed. HEY!!! Not everyone bolts for the door as soon as the entertainment stops. Some of us are actually seeing the movie to try and understand what the artist(s) are trying to say.

this rant is my legacy. my point of view is my legend. (you'll understand that last part more when you see the end of the movie)

the solution to all problems except dancing

2007-11-10T07:36:00.000-06:00

so i went to see a friend's band play last night. they're not bad. they're a cover band. really, there's 2 people in the band that outshine the others (my friend and the girl singer).

this is the 2nd time i've gone to see them. the first time was at this white trash bar. a lot of older people, drunk out of their minds and acting like idiots. i mean, i already think people look retarded when they dance (most people...well, white people...there i said it!). when they're drinking it's even worse. alcohol seems to have convinced them that moving one arm around and bending their knees in rhythm to the beat is a "hot move".

this bar was a little different. mostly younger people and a lot cleaner. people were dancing when we got there. but something strange happened to me. i felt like i was getting deja vu. i looked around the dance floor and saw the exact same moves i saw at the other bar. then i realized something...alcohol makes all people dance the same way (okay, fine, i really mean all white people).

i want to shout at them, "YOU LOOK RETARDED!" but i'm afraid they'll think it's a compliment. white people every where, i speak to you as one of your kinfolk: don't dance. and if you must dance, do so when you're sober! alcohol does not make you look like the people on soul train.

it's difficult to get too much funny

2007-10-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

i saw these a while back and forgot how funny they were...

blogging is dead and so am i!

2007-09-05T09:19:00.000-05:00

well, as i look around me i'm noticing something: no one really likes to blog anymore.

true, i haven't visited any of my friends' homes on the internet in quite some time so maybe my interest in blogging died too (but, wait, i'm writing this). but i'm realizing that most people just don't post anymore (and haven't since the spring of this year).

someone i actually quite admire recently said on his own blog that the internet is too overrun with blogs and stuff being written by "useless buffoons". but perhaps it's because those buffoons are only blogging because they can (not a good reason to blog IMO...yeah, that's right...i left out the "H"!).

blogging still means a hell of a lot to me, but mainly because i feel that not writing would lead to the slow suffocation of my own intellect so i can't, i won't, and i can't let that happen! thus i am making this the first ever double post. yeah...i'm posting this on both my public blogs (i have a private one too...but that's there for other reasons).

if blogging is dead i have to focus on one thing: please don't let it happen to me!

***this nonsensical jabbering brought to you by the letters H and Q

i still hate the general public

2007-07-30T04:02:00.000-05:00

oh, and speaking of the simpsons movie, something occured while i was watching tonight that pissed me off and reminded me about why i can't stand the general public.

well, without spoiling too much for those of you who still intend to see the movie, let me just say that the writers included some bonus items at the end. i had heard about this ahead of time and was looking forward to seeing it.

however, there are those for whom patience isn't exactly a virtue. as soon as they think the entertainment is over, they move on. they can't be bothered to sit there for just a few minutes and let the credits roll, taking in everything they've seen over the past couple of hours.

then there are people like me, who actually enjoy all aspects of a movie they like. i paid my $9, and i'm going to wait to see who that voice was, or the extra effort put in to make this a great experience. people like me...who want to see the DAMN screen!!!

you see, if you're too impatient to wait, don't walk in front of me and STAND THERE watching the extra bits right in front of me. it's difficult for me to see them with you jerks standing there in front of me like stupid deer caught in the headlights!

try to have some stinking consideration.

Simpsons Movie review

2007-07-29T21:43:00.000-05:00

HOLY CRAP!

i'm clean!...i mean, OW!

2007-07-29T21:28:00.000-05:00

so there's this e-mail that's being passed around. a parent is trying to make people aware of how dangerous the "magic eraser" is. you know the magic eraser right? your kid draws on the wall with crayon...the magic eraser is supposed to be able to "erase" the crayon. well, when stupid people believe too much in the magic part, here's what happens.

this lady's story is all about how she didn't see any warnings on the label for the eraser and so she didn't see any problem letting her kids erase their own graffiti. yeah, that's right, she was too damn lazy to do the work herself so she just gave the eraser to her kids to do it for her. great lesson in taking responsibility.

only her kid didn't just use the eraser on the wall. he used it to get stuff off himself too. well, it turns out the "magic" isn't exactly witchcraft. the erasers have chemical(s) on them. can you guess what happened to the kid? that's right, chemical burns all over his arms and face. now she blames the makers of the erasers because they failed to tell her specifically that she shouldn't use it on skin.

now, i don't blame the kid. honestly, due to a lack of experience and depending on grown-ups to help kids learn what you should and shouldn't do kind of leaves kids naturally ignorant (yes, i wanted to use the word "stupid" but i now have a lot of friends who have kids and that might just offend them). but it's true, kids can't help the fact that they don't know better. well, some of them can't...and some are too stupid to learn from their repeated mistakes.

the real problem here is parental retardation (oh, did i also mention laziness?). listen, just because the damn things don't have warnings does not mean you should just let your kids handle them! they're household cleaning agents moron. did you really think they were just magic?! don't be so stupid next time. these are your kids, whom you're supposed to be protecting. this is YOUR fault.

so the next time you're too damn lazy to clean up after your kid, think. is this "magic" cleaner really magic or can it hurt my child/me? and, please, if there are those of you out there who are new to this whole parenting thing, learn from this parent's mistake. don't turn your kid into the next darwin award nominee.

the neverending jerk faces

2007-06-07T11:14:00.001-05:00

saw a dog with a raincoat on today.

you people make me sick!

priorities

2007-06-04T06:11:00.000-05:00

so, the other day i went to this place to meet some people for breakfast. we ate outside. it was weird.

but we're eating and talking and having a good time. the next table over there's this 60ish year old woman sitting by herself. she was drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. she hadn't been there long.

then this couple comes out, this man and woman, and they start talking to her. i'm thinking, "okay. so maybe they're her kids or something." then i start overhearing (read: straining to listen to) the conversation. they were asking her about the table.

the next thing i know, the woman gets up and leaves and the couple takes the table. i couldn't believe it. how self-important do you have to be to go up to someone at a restaurant and ask them to leave so you can have their table?! how self-important and stupid! i don't care if she was just drinking coffee. if she needs to leave, that's up to the staff of the place. one friend of mine thought he heard them asking, first, if they could join her. that's almost worse! you're going to intrude on time that someone has by sitting yourself down at their table and doing your own thing???

so the couple orders and they're talking all loud placing their order. then i had to laugh. they ordered food and everything, but to drink the guy had a beer and the girl had a glass of white wine!! white wine! at, like, 9am! my goodness.

but that wasn't the last of it. oh no! they had to leave their mark. for the finale, as they're leaving the table, the woman knocks the wine glass off the table. of course, it shattered. but she didn't bother to clean it up. i think they just paid for their food and possibly offered to pay for the glass. come on! clean the damn thing up.

people just piss me off sometimes.

working girls

2007-05-21T08:17:00.001-05:00

so every once in a while when i'm bored i watch reality TV shows that i don't normally keep track of or even bother with. the other night i was really bored and happened across "america's next top model". for the most part, i'll spare everyone my thoughts on the show itself. but it was one particular situation that really made me laugh.

see, it was down to 4 girls and competition was getting ugly. but then the producers started to convey something to the audience. it was 3 girls against 1. this one girl, a russian girl, she was all sick and the rest of them were going out to the club. she declined even though they invited her, and they were being really nice. they were telling her how good it would be for her to get out and all that. but no, she wanted to rest. so what do the 3 girls do? they went to the club and started plotting. they were plotting about how they were gonna make sure she was the next one off the show.

it wasn't even that. it's the kind of thing you see on most reality shows so it definitely wasn't shocking or even surprising. it was the fact that the reason they were saying they wanted to get rid of her was that she was fake. she was phoney.

i practically wanted to shout at the tv..."YOU'RE MODELS, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FAKE! ALL OF YOU ARE FAKE!" and i'm not saying that cuz i hate models or calling them "fake" in an insulting way.

look, models are fake professionally. every day they face cameras and have to make faces and act a certain way and create certain moods. it was the fact that these stupid women convinced themselves that the other girl was the only fake one among them, even though they were just pretending to be nice to her. it was retarded.

what made me laugh is that the russian didn't end up leaving the show that week!

caution: heated words

2007-04-25T08:39:00.000-05:00

just this morning i was thinking how remarkably those who wait an hour in line for their coffee at tim horton's resemble crack addicts.

then i got home and an abridged audio version of the following rant was in my e-mail. i don't have the audio version...it's much more concise. a lot of what's contained at the following link could have easily been cut in an effort to make it more easy to read. however, this is such an effective rant that i had to post the link here. note that it's laden with curse words. but, if you can handle that and may find the rant of a starbucks employee funny, you'll want to check this out.

think of it as an open letter from the starbucks employee to the people they see on a daily basis. click here for the funny.

this is the millenium of Aftermath

2007-04-12T08:37:00.000-05:00

well, my previous post was taken far more seriously than i expected. for that reason, i feel it is suitable to post an update on the situation.

i am quite happy to say that healing is in progress and forgiveness is too, on both sides. through this whole mess, both sides experienced hurt and stress. both sides are now working things out and making significant efforts to do so. thank God, relationships are under repair.

where leaders shouldn't tread

2007-04-06T18:35:00.000-05:00

disclaimer: i recognize that the following is strictly my perspective and is very possibly biased, but it is none-the-less my perspective. also, this may be the first and last time that i refer to the warden as "my wife" on this blog. it's just easier.

recently there has been a situation that my wife has been involved in with the women's ministry leaders at our church. i have kept my mouth shut and avoided getting involved in the discussion. however, the final decision has been made by leadership and accepted by my wife. now i will express myself because i don't believe in bottling things up.

this whole thing has kind of pissed me off. the situation is that for several months my wife has been compiling a newsletter for the women in the church. she began doing so approximately a year-and-a-half ago. the reason she started was that she felt moved by God to communicate to fellow women how God views them and the value they hold in His eyes. she has had very positive and heartfelt feedback from those who have read the newsletter who indicated that it's been very encouraging to them.

however, the recent situation has been that she was about to put out the spring/easter edition of the newsletter and, since it is intended for the women in the church, asked those in charge of leading our church women's ministry if they wanted to add anything. well, that's when things exploded.

my wife was informed that the leaders of women's ministry wanted her to wait until may to put out the newsletter because that was when they hoped to have a committee put together to help and have more varied input into women's ministry. once the committee is put together, they will look over the newsletter together and discuss any ideas for things that should be added. once the newsletter is approved by the committee, it can be distributed.

however, since my wife has had only positive input on the newsletter in the past and women have found it so encouraging and uplifting, my wife didn't see a need to wait for a committee to approve this edition. also, since there is easter content in the newsletter publishing it in may would mean that the easter content would no longer be timely and should likely be removed. for these reasons, my wife gave a copy to one of the leaders with the intention to publish the current edition and distribute it on easter weekend. the leaders still said no, because they didn't see how there was any time-sensitive reasons to publish it and...wait, they didn't really provide any reasons except that this was their decision and it was final.

to make a long story not quite as long, let's just say that after appealing to an elder in the church the decision of the women's ministry leaders was upheld and my wife has reluctantly agreed she will not publish the newsletter. some who have heard about the situation have privately voiced the opinion that such a process is a little ridiculous. since there really is no objection whatsoever to the actual content of the newsletter after one of the leader's read it (aside from some announcements about events in the church, which my wife agreed could be removed), there should be no reason that this edition should have to wait.

now, here's my perspective on the leadership aspect (since i haven't already made it painfully clear). since no actual reasons have been given as to why waiting would be more advantageous and better than just publishing the newsletter now, the decision of the leaders is strictly bureaucratic. they are concerned only about process in this situation, wanting to wait until the appropriate committee is formed so they can approve the newsletter. if not, better reasons should have been given but they weren't. and the perspective of the leaders is that if God truly wanted this He would somehow swoop down like Superman and intervene.

leaders need to be better at communicating and finding suitable compromises. to my wife i suggested earlier on that a suitable compromise would be for this edition to be printed now and all future editions could wait for the committee to approve, but it became clear that the leaders of women's ministry would not budge for anything beccause they believe their decision lines up with what God wants. i'm all for conviction but in this case i disagree that that is what would be good for God's people.

when leadership communicates that their decision is final only "because we said so", leadership becomes dictatorship. it fails to inspire confidence. it fails to inspire anything or appear inspired. unfortunately it doesn't seem as though those in leadership are making much of an effort to learn from the mistakes made by past leaders. the problem of church leaders acting as dictators has been a problem for hundreds of years and it appears as though it will continue to be.

all that said, i feel the right approach to this was to accept the decision made by the church elder in this situation. he is a wise and trusted man and has his reasons for making that decision, whatever those may be. it may very well be God's will that my wife should put this newsletter out, but it may also be His will that she show humility in this situation and accept even the bad decisions made by leaders in his Church.

unfortunately it means that my wife feels stifled in a gift that God has given to her to give to others and because of that she feels a little down right now. there are ups and downs to living a life of faith. what would the ups be without the downs?

joys of womanhood

2007-03-24T15:19:00.000-05:00

so, clearly i can't write about this from a 1st person perspective. i realize that convincing myself i can understand what the opposite sex endures would be a lie. however...

the stupidity of a particular ad campaign geared toward women kind of makes me think women should be pissed off about it. it's the feminine product always. their retarded slogan? "have a happy period"...what?

again, i clearly don't actually know exactly what women experience when they have their "period", but from what i've heard it's far from happy. let's see, feeling bloated, having wicked bad pain in the abdominal region, and...oh, yeah, blood coming out of the whoo-ha. these are all known to be some of the more common experiences during a woman's period.

but, hey, as long as you use always, it will be a happy time because they're made of sunshine and rainbows!

why the hell aren't more women complaining about this ad campaign??? it doesn't seem right that i'm the only one pissed off about this. come on ladies! wake the hell up! they're telling you that having a regular time where you bleed for like 4 or 5 days straight can be a happy time.

i'll bet the next time the warden's in the middle of having her girly problems if i said, "come on, have a happy period" i'd have to go the hospital to get my happy broken arm taken care of.

Dead Wise Guys

2007-03-01T00:50:00.000-06:00

Well, the Oscars were relatively satisfying this year. Yes, that's right, relatively. You were expecting me to gloat, right?
First of all, they could have easily cut 90 minutes from the show. Yeah, those involved in every aspect of the industry need to see the "best" of the best, but we don't. I don't need to see 3 or 4 people kissing Al Gore's ass. What a tremendous waste of time. He's not Jesus or Ghandi people! He made a movie that presented a very passionate view on global warming. Well, that's great. They made it sound like he's the man who realized the concept. The praise was of the same magnitude you might expect for someone who cured a certain common type of cancer. Come on. It's global warming...you needed a film?

And that Melissa Etheridge song. Good gravy! That was a terrible song. Yeah, you better thank Al Gore, Melissa. Your association with his film is the reason you won your Oscar, it wasn't that damn song.

Alright, you have to remember, the Departed hadn't gotten much attention at this point in the ceremony. I was extremely pleased that William Monahan won for best adapted screenplay. He deserved that Oscar almost as much as Scorsese deserved his. Really. The script is fantastic. And Thelma Schoonmaker...the thing is she won for the Aviator the last time around and for Raging Bull during that fateful year when the Academy was apparently struck retarded during the selection of the winner for Best Director.

But then the moment arrived. When I saw who was presenting the award for Director, I knew who was going to win. I mean, the Cosa Nostra of Directors walked out on that stage together like they were getting ready to "make" the newest member of the mafia. Coppola, Lucas, Spielberg. 3 men widely recognized among the best directors of all time in film history. How could they not be presenting for Scorsese. Those men were chosen on purpose. A way of telling Marty, "Hey, look, this award is way overdue, but who better to deliver the good news then some of your closest friends and colleagues?" Then they announced it. And as much as I predicted the winner based on the feeling I got from seeing the presenters, nothing could have prepared me for the complete elation I felt when they said the name.

I mean, how many times have they overlooked the ridiculous amount of talent that Scorsese has? Seriously! And no, this doesn't make up for all those times. Even giving The Departed Best Picture doesn't make up for all that. But these things are a good start. Yes, when I was 28...it was a very good year. Now if only they would have completed this year's justice by awarding Best Supporting Male to Mark Wahlberg (or, at the very least, Djimon Honsou), instead of that inside the box acting by Alan Arkin, that would have made it a much more complete year.

Then again, why should they ever do anything completely right at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences?

stupidity never takes a vacation

2007-02-08T19:34:00.000-06:00

i'm sure no one who reads here has ever watched beauty and the geek (aside from the warden, of course). i watch it because i'm a geek and like to see stupid models make fools of themselves (as well as the models who make the transformation into human beings). the premise is simple. 6 beautiful and clueless women get matched up with 6 geek males to endure several challenges (challenges tailored for the beauties and those for the geeks). those who win challenges send 2 teams of their choice to the elimination room for quiz time where one team gets knocked off. contestants get sent home one team at a time until one team wins.

recently, with 3 teams left, 1 team one the big challenge so the other 2 automatically get sent to the elimination room. of those 2 teams, the girl in one team is the only one who has made no transformation whatsoever (she's a paris hilton clone who says her best feature is when she pouts). well, guess who won? yep...paris' twin. after winning, both teams were standing there and, just as the host was attempting to summarize what was happening, the stupid airhead raises her hand and says the following:

you can take the blond to the ranch,
but you can't take the bikini off the blonde...
that was our focus coming into this tonight
we worked really hard.

put into context, that still doesn't make any real sense. the challenge and quiz questions were on the subject related to farming stuff. i'm going to stop now because if i further try to articulate how stupid this is i think one of the lobes in my brain are going to bleed.

you're taking this job too seriously

2007-01-30T17:24:00.000-06:00

alright, not sure if there's much to this one, but it really pissed me off.

so i bought breakfast in the lunchroom at work. the food isn't too bad. they have a breakfast item called "the mini". it's one egg, 1 piece of bacon or sausage, some hashbrowns, and one piece of toast. it's quite inexpensive at under 2 dollars ($1.58 i believe). it was discovered, some time ago, that getting a double-mini would be less expensive than the regular breakfast and it actually gets you just as much food. i don't know when this discovery was made, or by whom, but some versions of the story feature a little known mythical creature called the unicorn.

in either case, i got a double-mini this morning. when i arrived at the register to pay for my meal, the cashier did a double take. when i clarified that it was the double mini, she said the following ridiculous words, "you have 3 pieces of bacon, i'll have to charge you for the regular breakfast." wait...what? yeah, that's right. because the cook accidentally gave me 3 pieces of bacon, instead of 2, i had to be charged full price.

well, i know what you're thinking. it doesn't get any more insane than that. you're wrong! when i told her that i asked the cook for a double mini and all i had was what he gave me, she replied "well, if you throw away the 3rd piece of bacon, i'll only charge you for the double-mini." that's when i laughed at her as i threw away 1 piece of bacon. after tax the regular breakfast is an extra 47 cents. no big deal right? but when you consider that the extra 47 cents would be charged just because of 1 piece of bacon...

this was the dumbest thing i had heard someone say today! and i work in customer service...i hear a lot of stupid things! you want to charge me an extra 47 cents for 1 piece of bacon?! are you retarded?!!! wait, don't answer that. it's a rhetorical question. you need a vacation. is there a bacon shortage of some kind? are you protecting the bacon? you must have trouble keeping it. perhaps there was a recent labor dispute where your boss told you there would be a pay cut in order to afford more bacon. do you hate bacon? don't punish me because i like bacon!!! oh, oh, wait...is it magic bacon??? here, here's a nickel, just let me keep the damn bacon. surely it can't cost your business more than that!

and the nominees are...

2007-01-23T09:03:00.000-06:00

ahhhh, pre-oscar talk.

i will make this short (or, at least, shorter than my usual post):

Babel (Paramount and Paramount Vantage) Alejandro González Iñárritu ;
The Departed (Warner Bros.) Martin Scorsese ;
Letters from Iwo Jima (Warner Bros.) Clint Eastwood ;
The Queen (Miramax, Pathé and Granada) Stephen Frears ;
United 93 (Universal and StudioCanal) Paul Greengrass ;

really, the only concerns here are Babel and Letters from Iwo Jima. there is concern not because the directors are better, but concern because the academy would consider them legitimate excuses not to give scorsese the oscar. now, since the academy appears to have some kind of weird hatred for scorsese, i would feel better if the alternative winner was Babel. it better not be that damn clint eastwood, i'll tell you that much.

look for the results of this one right here after feb 25...the only way there will be any real outrage from me is if Letters from Iwo Jima or The Queen win this category. there's no way that United 93 will win, and if Babel wins, i will register my severe disappointment, but i don't think there will be any actual outrage.

mmmm...soap

2007-01-21T14:58:00.000-06:00

so a while back, the warden buys a new liquid soap for the bathroom. great! i love liquid soap. i thought nothing of it until i noticed what the scent was...

i was washing my hands when i had a sudden craving for a grape popsicle. strange, because popsicles aren't normally an item i find myself yearning for while i'm washing my hands. then i realized that something was causing this phenomenon: soap!

yeah, that's right, the soap was grape scented. wtf?! who the hell makes grape scented soap??? i'm not talking about bar soap, normally even when it's given a delicious sounding scent, it's not that close to what it's supposed to smell like. it still smells generally like soap...or a candle. bottom line is it doesn't smell like something i would want to eat. but this was different. the only thing that stopped me from guzzling the grape soap was the dozen times i had to remind myself that it was soap just to get through washing my hands.

what on earth are people thinking!? soap does not need to smell delicious. it needs to make our hands clean. is there really that much of a demand for soap that doesn't smell like soap? and what is wrong with something that smells like soap? we're not talking air fresheners here people. recently, i even saw a liquid soap at my friend's place that was "black raspberry and vanilla" scented. it smelled like candy. i almost forgot i needed to wash my hands, i wanted to run out and make myself a bowl of ice cream so i could cover it in that stupid soap and have myself a delicious snack!

this is retarded. i want to plead with all the soap making companies, just make it smell like regular soap again. someday i may not be able to stop myself from actually tasting the stuff you're making now. you don't want that on your head!

happy 30

2007-01-06T19:02:00.000-06:00

this isn't a rant. i just want to wish the warden a happy 30th birthday. i really do love you a lot and hope it was exactly what you hoped!

Filthy Line Skippers!

2006-12-28T18:46:00.000-06:00

alright, i'm fricking pissed off and since you're here i figure you wanna hear about it so here it is!

i hate bloody line skippers. they're all filthy animals and must die. it's a concept i'm sure you're all familiar with so i'll just skip the explanation and give you two different examples, both happened to me in the same night.

well, i'm sick as a dog and need medicine. so i order it up and wait the necessary hour before trekking out to the pharmacy. on the way, as i'm driving down the street, a minivan comes out of the driveway of a parking lot not 20 feet from where i'm going around 50km/h. now, normally when people are that impatient they will go quickly because they obviously have somewhere to go that's more effing important than my destination. but...no! the driver of the van proceeds to drive somewhere between 20-30km/h (yes, parkling lot speed), thus forcing me to slam on the brake just so i don't fuse our 2 vehicles in a collision.

then, i'm at the pharmacy. we all know how those lines can be! so i wait my turn. now, there is a bit of a problem processing my drug card so it takes a couple of minutes. but while i'm standing there, this lady strolls up to the counter with a basket full of groceries and proceeds to put her basket down on the counter. then, she stands there, looking around impatiently. then, after pacing a bit and trying to ignore my glaring, she goes to the "drop prescription off here" window. alright, so she's gone. then, she comes back!!! and she just stands there until someone comes to ask her what she wants. no, there aren't 2 tils at the pharmacy counter. there's just one, and it's the one that i already have occupied. so she gets her prescription, then pays and leaves before i even see mine!

now, while she was talking to the person at the counter, i happened to overhear why she thought she had an excuse to skip the line. she had a week old grandchild who was sick at home. awwwww, blah blah bluh blah...

BACK OF THE LINE JERK!!!!!!

she was, of course, fortunate because all the people who happened to be working in the pharmacy that night were all women. soft hearted, sympathetic/empathetic women! all of them blubbering about the poor 1 week old baby. no, i don't group all women that way but face it; the ratio of soft hearted women to soft hearted men has to be, what, 25:1? so, what, that baby will certainly die if the woman has to wait 5 minutes for her prescription (she also bought canesten...i suppose the baby has a yeast infection too?). then, after the woman pays for and receives her items, she slowly saunters away...humming! HUMMING!!!

i hate all you filthy effing line skippers! you're a plague of society! d'ugh, if i go on any more i'm gonna curse for real and most people who stop by won't want to read that.

Just as pissed off as always

2006-12-11T10:11:00.000-06:00

well, i know a few people read my blogs. to them i am grateful. really, many of them will check back faithfully every once in a while to see if there's a new post.

as comments by indie on my last post have indicated (your deductive reasoning is brilliant by the way, indie, what amount of detective work made it clear that i haven't posted since oct 24?), i haven't posted in a while.

to be honest, i guess i'm just used to being pissed off...all the time. people in winnipeg are retarded when they drive. it's so common, i'm struggling to think of a good example. but i have to think to myself, "there cannot possibly be this many people who aren't used to driving in winnipeg in the winter!"

some drive way too cautiously, going 30km/hr where the speed limit is 60 and waiting up to 5 seconds before venturing into an intersection after their traffic light has just turned green. some are just the opposite...taking stupid risks and still going 10-15 km over the speed limit, cutting people off and turning onto a road where there is oncoming traffic, not realizing that it takes a little longer to build up speed when your tires are spinning on ice, therefore causing the oncoming traffic to halt so they don't hit you. it's like everyone has the mr. burns mentality, "beep! beep! out of my way! i'm a motorist!" jerks, all of them.

seriously, i do some stupid things in the winter myself. but i actually have to think that, for the most part, my driving may be the only example that exhibits the happy medium: driving slowly when called for, but still observing the speed limit and not cutting people off because they may not have grip for their tires to stop.

i get pissed off at movie theaters too! hey, how about you leave your cell phone/PDA in your pocket for 2 hours and wait until you're in your car to whip them back out! the last thing we need when the credits of a movie are rolling is 20 pocket devices with the lights from their LCD screens burning our retinas. do you really have that many friends that are trying to get ahold of you or is it just the opposite...so few friends that you must return their call as soon as possible, lest they end their friendship with you?!

yes, indie, i'm still really pissed off. i'll try to be more timely with these rants. i know how very entertaining people find them.

oh, and speaking of entertainment, i'll leave you with one last thing. lewis black is a great comedian. but i didn't know he was brilliant. it seems he agrees with my thoughts on the use of the word "retarded". he cites an example which i think is as suitable as any to demonstrate why the word is acceptable in some contexts. here's a quote i hope you'll all enjoy as much as i did:

you're not supposed to call someone who's mentally challenged "retarded".

however, if you see a political leader and you hear bullshit coming out of their mouths, you are allowed to say, "stop it! you are being retarded!"

911 is a joke (but only when they get calls like this...)

2006-10-24T09:17:00.000-05:00

stupidity of such an extreme must speak for itself...

Click here to find out what i'm talking about

Would you like some derision with your MSG?

2006-10-19T17:18:00.000-05:00

so, anyone ever been insulted by a fortune cookie?! HUH?! NO?!

well, up until yesterday i would've said the same thing. but then my whole world changed. if i'm not mistaken, fortune cookie makers, you're supposed to say pseudo-wise things on fortunes that make people smile or even chuckle (or at least think) and then include some lottery numbers on the back and a delicious cookie contains this tiny piece of paper.

well, i got the following fortune in my cookie last night: "You have a slow and unhurried natural rhythm"

now, what the hell is that? could that possibly be construed as a compliment?!

however, i now have a politically correct, nice-sounding way of telling people "You are retarded!"

can't type...too busy cursing!

2006-10-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

alright, now i'm pissed. this post won't be very long, simply because i know a few people read this blog that don't appreciate curse words. i assure you that if this was still back in the day, i would post a little more freely.

that said, i hope those CBS bastards get what's coming to them! clearly, CBS understands that NBC is going to kill them this year and is too scared to commit to decent shows in the face of slow audience response.

what am i ranting about? i'll tell you. the new show Smith, starring the fantastic actor Ray Liotta and his crew of thieves, started this season. really, CBS has 2, maybe 3 good shows including Smith. the plot was intriguing and multi-faceted. it was decent, thought provoking TV. well, now it's cancelled and i can barely contain my rage.

do you smell the bile CBS? it's racing up through my esophagus just so i can spew it at you!

dearly departed

2006-10-08T03:08:00.000-05:00

so i saw the departed tonight.

not sure what to say...i left the theater confused. i'm still a little confused, sitting here 1 hour after the movie ended. this isn't typical scorsese.

thinking about it, this is possibly the best scorsese yet. it's also possibly not. but the performances that he gets from his actors are outstanding. i honestly felt that every one of the main actors in the movie give the best performance of each of their careers.

dicaprio is ridiculous in his performance as an undercover officer in the mob that's the best of its kind since johnny depp in donnie brasco. jack nicholson is the most hateful and hate-able mob boss i think i've ever seen. there is nothing sympathetic in nicolson's performance of the very psychotic frank costello. i've always believed in damon's potential, and he definitely doesn't dissapoint here. but i guess the most surprising performance for me was mark wahlberg. in past roles i almost always found his performance or on-screen personna as incredibly difficult to respect. but here i find that his performance finally lives up to the standard of acting set by his older brother's career (see band of brothers, the sixth sense, etc.).

scorsese proves again that he is the master of suspense. there are a lot of directors that can't hold suspense past 80, maybe 90 minutes. then it's almost like they run out of ideas. i didn't find, for 1 second of the 150 minutes of the departed, that scorsese was stretching things out artificially. scorsese's suspense lasts and develops very naturally until there is no more choice but for it to explode. and when it explodes, there is no chance of not getting hit by shrapnel. i found the scenes after the climax of the movie to be shocking. it was tense. almost too tense. i have to see the movie at least one more time to figure out whether i can buy it when it hits dvd. it's so much tension that once it broke i wasn't sure if i wanted to go through it again.

after seeing this movie, i arrived at the thought that everyone who sees will be faced with a decision, you're either pro or con. it took me a while to figure out whether i was pro or con. i think i've decided pro.

the review

2006-10-02T06:13:00.000-05:00

well, once again i'm posting on "the rant", but not much in the way of a rant. the wife and i went to see the black eyed peas the other night. it was fun. thing is, we weren't gonna go, but then we discovered at the previous show we went to (see previous post) that our mariah carey tickets were each worth $25 off for tickets to the black eyed peas. well then we pretty much had to go.

I was pretty stoked about it, but not just because it was the black eyed peas. swollen members were opening the show...swollen members! only problem there is they were on stage for 30 minutes total. they didn't do the 1 song i hoped they would do, probably because 1 key member doesn't seem to be part of the group anymore, but they did 2 songs that i really like and didn't think they would do. but they know how to get people amped for BEP...that's key.

speaking of amped...
these guys put on a big show. not as big as mariah, but really big. it's a show. they have a lot of stuff goin on, a lot of break dancing, a lot of percussion demonstrations, and what i thought was really impressive was that they had something that each member of the group did on their own. they shared the stage with each other by letting each member show off their own stuff. apl.de.ap did some phillipino rap. that was tight. fergie, of course, did her new solo single. will.i.am did some stuff about winnipeg, it was great. nothing like it. worth every dollar we paid (our seats were really good too).

one thing that almost wrecked it was the retarded drunk in front of us who, clearly, wasn't there because he liked BEP or swollen members. he was fine until he started drinking, then he would sit there and try to impress the girl he was with by making fun of the big girl dancing in the seat in front of him. the great thing was no one was giving him any fuel...none of the people he was with or near were impressed by his stupidity.

but if there's one thing i've learned from both the busta rhymes/mariah carey and swollen members/bep shows, it's this: if i'm ever a performer and go on tour anywhere, the best way to get a crowed amped is to say the name of the town several times and to occasionally ask if that town is "in the house". it works like magic, every time!

rantless

2006-09-20T06:54:00.000-05:00

ok. not a rant. clearly i haven't been pissed off enough in the past month to write anything here. so, while i work up the rage necessary to post something worthy of "the rant", i will instead talk about the experience the wife and i had last night...

so, as one of the items that we gave each other for our anniversary was a set of tickets to see mariah carey at the mts center in winnipeg. the tickets were expensive, but hell, it's a once in a lifetime kind of thing. not many know this about me, but i actually think mariah carey has the greatest voice in the industry.

but, as we're on the way out the door, the wife breaks some news to me. apparently busta rhymes is gonna be there too. i quite quickly dismissed the idea. "it's a lie," i thought, "no one would leave busta rhymes out of the marquee if he was gonna be the opening act!" well...

open the show he did. when we got to the arena and sat down, i was shocked to see the banner on the background of the stage that said, "THE BIG BANG" (which is the name of his new album). if you have no idea who busta is, you clearly won't be familiar with his music. perhaps you will remember him as the big brother/parking lot attendant in the movie "finding forrester"?

in either case, busta was amazing. he brought a member of the "flip mode squad" with him and it was great. he played some old songs and some new ones. he even did a song that, when it was released, also featured mariah carey...but she was mysteriously not on stage to perform it with him (my only complaint of the show).

then, of course, was the woman of the night,

and yes, it was great. 15 songs. she sang pretty much all of my favorites. the show didn't disappoint. she sings. did you know that? unlike so many of her peers, she actually sings at live shows. why? because she has a voice, that's why! a damn good one. with that 5 octave range, it's amazing to hear her sing. the stage was great too. both me and the wife had a great time.

what did disappoint was the retarded arena staff. the show was supposed to start at 8pm. we arrived at about 6:40 to get to our seats early. well, apparently they forgot to have a staff meeting earlier or even the day before. so there they were, the arena door staff, having a meeting just inside the doors. pissed off, i complained non-stop until the wife told me to shut up. "they're probably gonna open the doors at 7," she said. well, the meeting ended about 6:50. they staff dispersed and, i thought, they would let us in. nope!

a small group of them still stood just inside the doors where they decided to have a sub meeting. they weren't even security, making last minute plans and discussing scenarios. they were just ticket scanners, probably talking about the tv shows they were missing (as the wife suggested). so, at around 7:10 (maybe 7:15), they finally let us in. they scanned our tickets and let us in. with all that discussing and strategizing...one would hope they would at least give us a performance of some kind themselves.

An Open Letter to the Makers of Outburst

2006-08-18T01:26:00.000-05:00

for those in the dark, outburst is a board game. this post is an open letter to those that wrote the questions and answers...

Dear Makers of Outburst,

You people are idiots. Furthermore, I know retarded monkeys who would be more capable of writing questions and answers for board games than you.

One question in the version I played involved naming celebrities who used only one name. Madonna was not on it. Fine, I thought, perhaps this particular version was made prior to Madonna becoming truly famous. Nope! A question further down the line involved naming Celebrities with beautiful eyes. And, yes, Madonna was on that bloody list!

How about non-animated Disney Movies? Well, it's a little obscure but, ok, I watched a few of those as a child. What's that? Mary Poppins doesn't frigging count because there is some animation in it?! Oh, fine, I already think you people are morons but I'll go along. Pollyanna? Not there. Escape from Witch Mountain? Not THERE! Return to Witch Mountain? not bleeding there! What was there? How about SON OF FLUBBER?!

You people should all be fired and re-hired only under the condition that you serve drinks to those who are actually qualified to write questions and answers for these kinds of games. I hope you all suffer til the end!

i am finally published

2006-08-10T21:29:00.000-05:00

well, it's been a long time coming. a while back i signed up to write some book reviews for an online journal. to be honest, it's probably not a big deal. but it does mean that i am on the internet (besides my blogs of course). i consider it a bit of a personal accomplishment. if you're at all interested in reading my first 2 reviews ever published, go ahead and visit the book review page at The Journal of Religion and Popular Culture. For those of you who don't know who I am, I wrote my reviews under the "pseudonym" Rudy Regehr.

And speaking of retarded...(aka I hate Canada and "Steffi D")

2006-08-08T20:16:00.000-05:00

alright, so i realized tonight that i hate canada...or at least the ones that didn't vote for rob james on canadian idol. i hope you're happy, suckers, you just played a big part in making sure the most talented performer on the show is no longer there. i can only hope that canadian record labels (or even american ones) are smart enough to chase him and make him sign a recording contract anyway.

and as for "steffi d", the retarded girl who was the other one in the bottom 2 and survived, you should have been off the show weeks ago. you're a talentless popularity contest winner. at least you stopped wearing that stupid bow that all the under qualified judges on the show said was so cute.

i guess i feel partially responsible. i only voted 50 times this week instead of the 150 times i voted previous weeks. i kinda wish they would tell us how many more votes steffi d had.

i'm gonna go cry now...

My use of "retarded"

2006-07-31T06:58:00.000-05:00

i'm posting this to set something straight. i've taken to use the term "retarded" recently. i find it describes situations in a certain way very specifically that i find accurate.

but i'm not an idiot. i realize that it was a word that was once accepted in society to be used describing those who were born with any variety of mental challenges. even of those, it was really only fitting to use it a certain way. if someone was mentally slow, they could have been refered to as retarded. however, we've since realized that the word began to take on some less than desirable connotations and it's not really fair to describe a person in such a way anymore. and we can thank the jerks who started to use the word out of context to describe anyone who had any disability of any kind and to do so in mockery of those people.

unfortunately, there is still the small matter of having a word that can be very descriptive of situations or things people do. for example, I was very retarded when it came to high school math. that's why I joined the "applied math" class (known to us as "dumb math"). or, as another example, when that guy forgot his wife's birthday and made it worse by pretending like he didn't forget, he just didn't think she would care if he ignored it, he was being retarded.

so if you hear me using it and you take offense, just relax and ask yourself "Was the way that person parked actually retarded?" or "isn't it possible that the way that job was done was clearly retarded?" i think we all know what answer you'll come up with...oh, fine, i'm alone on this one. what else is new?!

The Day the Animals Won

2006-06-15T19:01:00.000-05:00

i'm beginning to think that the reality of animals taking over the world is closer than we think. honestly, i will try to write this rant without cursing very much, but it will take every ounce of restraint that i can muster.

so, i was content to think that the dumbest and most useless item made for animals is clothing. you know, considering the fact that they're animals and all. it still makes me mad when i see a chihuahua in a parka, but other than that i can put it out of my mind.

then, my wife informed me that they make *expletive deleted* STROLLERS for dogs!!!!!!!!!!!! *curse word* STROLLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i have to explain why that's wrong, you need to start thinking about whether or not you should be improving your IQ.

yes, but that wasn't the bad news. you know how dogs pretty much have swimming built into their genetic code? i mean, you throw a dog into water, it swims. yeah, well, they have life jackets for dogs now too. there is no string of curse words good enough for me to express my disdain for this product. WE NAMED A HUMAN SWIMMING METHOD AFTER DOGS.

i have to go burn something down now.

The "Postman" doesn't ring at all...she's too lazy

2006-05-25T18:05:00.000-05:00

so i thought of several titles for this post...all of which were a result of me gloating, so i just picked one and went with it.

hey, remember that post i put up a while back saying that our mail person was too lazy to deliver the mail (see Refusal to Deliver posted Feb 4 of this year)? well, it's a little eerie but I was mostly right. you see, we got a package of mail today from canada post...with an apology. while the original theory was that the mail person was too lazy to deliver because the snow wasn't clear enough on our walk, it turns out that was only partially true.

the package of mail we got today came with a letter of apology. what?...yeah, you read me right. we got a letter of apology from canada post, apologizing because the lazy mail person (woman, in this case), that they fired in february of this year, was too damn lazy to deliver the mail she was supposed to so she was storing it in her shed. seriously, this is too good to actually feel true. but it is. the letter also stated that not only was she fired, but the reason it took so long for them to notify us was that this is how long it took for the winnipeg police service to press charges and recover the stored mail.

hell, i got mail that was post marked january 31st, 2006. i guarantee that this is something i'll be laughing about for quite some time. i may even frame the letter. why it took the police so damn long to complete their investigation, lay charges, and recover the stolen mail is unknown. apparently due process takes time, in which case they need to fine tune due process a little. this was, like, the one time of year where i was actually expecting important mail (mail with a timely nature...some tickets to the movie premiere my friend was putting on that took place on april 4), and it has to be the time that some stupid jerk at canada post decides not to do their job?! i hope they gave her at least 2 years (not very long, as far as i'm concerned, but probably longer than i should expect).

if anyone watches the simpsons as religiously as i do, you'll remember the episode where it was expected that springfield would get hit by a meteor and everyone tries to get in flanders' fallout shelter. that was the one where homer predicted what would happen to the meteor once it entered the earth's atmostphere with such surprising accuracy that bart and lisa were really freaked out when they realized he was right. i'm getting that same freaked out feeling about my rant. i mean, really, anyone that knows me at all knows that i rant about so many things i think i'm right about. who knew i actually would be proven right by a federal government agency?

Searching for Deshaun Holton

2006-04-12T19:40:00.000-05:00

Well, it's not uncommon when rappers are shot to death. Some of you may think it's a little strange for me to be paying tribute to a rapper here. But in deciding whether or not I should post this, it occured to me that he was a big part of music that I value and that I can relate to. He was basically Eminem's right hand man. He was one of the founding members (if not the founding member) of the group D12. What doesn't make sense is what happened...

If you haven't already read or heard about it, Proof was at a club that was illegally operating outside of its licensed hours. He was outside the club and was shot along with one other man (as yet unidentified). And that's about all we're told at this point. But this isn't like Tupac or Notorious BIG getting shot. They were at the forefront of hip hop when their lives were brought to a premature end. They were also involved in a personal war.

As far as we know Proof was not involved in a personal war (although his friends often were). He was a man who tried to contribute to rap music in a way that was artistic and seemed to believe that hip hop added value to the music scene. He never really had any public beefs. Was the shooting random? Is there something that the press isn't aware of? You know if they had any dirt on him they would publish it.

In either case, Proof has made or has been involved in making music that was meaningful to me. To that extent, I'm sad he's gone. Granted, this definitely isn't a rant, so it's not consistent with the theme of this blog. But I wanted to post it, so there! :-P

something that i consider to be very stupid

2006-03-21T09:41:00.000-06:00

well, i normally try to come up with something i think is a witty title for my posts. i didn't bother with this one.

i read an article recently that actually woke me up to the reality that people can be more stupid than i have ever given them credit for (you can read the article here). to sum it up, it used to be that when you search for the word "abortion" on Amazon.com, the search feature spell-check suggested that perhaps you may have actually intended to search for "adoption" and then listed "abortion" related search results below the suggestion.

well, someone who is no doubt way too politically correct wrote amazon an e-mail to complain that this was, to put it plainly, discriminatory. the e-mail raised the concern that searches for "adoption" don't bring up a suggestion that the user may have intended to search for "abortion" related entries. the article explains a very legitimate reason why this would happen.

amazon has since changed code for its search engine that would avoid such suggestions. bear in mind, this is based on 1 person complaining. not millions, not thousands, not hundreds or tens...just 1. what i consider most stupid is the complaint.

are you so worried that your stance on abortion is being challenged by alternatives that the slightest possibility of another suggestion being made would set you off?! is your political view on the issue so fragile? really?! how about you get over yourself for 2 seconds and realize that it's so ridiculously unlikely that this is an intentional assault on the method of abortion and more likely that it's just a programming quirk that your complaint is unnecessary? how about you do something more constructive with your time than fight every battle that you perceive to be before you?

i'm actually not even sure what i find more perturbing: the fact that a complaint was e-mailed or the fact that the site changed the search engine based on the one complaint.

2006-03-12T09:04:00.000-06:00

sorry about the length of the last post. a rant is often rambling you know...but if you can slog through it, it may be a good enough story.

The Greatest American Hero

2006-03-12T08:22:00.000-06:00

Well, my vacation started with a bit of a bang.

We are currently in BC and were able to get there thanks to the good folks at West Jet. I looked forward to my flight because I haven't been on West Jet since they've changed things a bit. They now have wonderfully comfortable leather seats and TVs for every person (with 24 channels of satellite TV and 4 movie channels for all to enjoy).

However, there was a bit of a speed bump to our trip. First, we thought that weather would definitely be a problem. I don't think it's stopped snowing in Winnipeg since December 1st. It just keeps snowing. So, with snow falling and some wind going, that was bound to set us back at least a bit. No problem...

Then, about an hour before we were supposed to be in the plane that was taking off, there was some commotion amongst the flight crew. It was a few minutes before any announcement was made, but when the guy at the counter begins with "I don't think you're going to like this...", you can usually expect something that's more than a slight setback.

As it turns out, one of the West Jet planes was in Thunder Bay and got hit by lightning (the ironing is delicious...sorry, Simpsons joke). But, for reasons that sounded like they would be hard to convince us of, the West Jet operations office decided it would be best if the plane that was supposed to carry us to Vancouver would instead be sent straight to Thunder Bay. It was then explained to us that what this would mean is that we would have to go back out into the Terminal, retrieve our luggage, check back in, and wait 4 hours for the flight that we wanted.

To be honest, I was less than concerned. I really didn't think this was going to be a big deal. As anyone knows, when airlines do this kind of thing you usually get something for free. However, a gaggle of passengers didn't feel quite so care-free about the whole thing.

While the announcement was still being made, someone started to raise his voice with all kinds of pointless questions. "Why our plane? Can't you do something else? Where is my brain?!" This after the guy at the counter already informed us that he really didn't know anymore useful information and if we had any questions to please save them for the agents at the check-in counter. He mentioned this several times. Still, a gang of would-be passengers gathered in a circle around the counter guy and began shouting other questions at him, demanding someone in higher authority who would tell them more and so forth...as if this would accomplish anything aside from establishing that people who throw tantrums get rewarded.

Yes, it was an inconvenience. It would be a pain to retrieve our luggage and go through security again (the first go round already left me with a concern for having to take off my pants just to demonstrate that I was a simple harmless passenger). However, I guess I'm far too bold in thinking that inconvenience is the least painful thing in the world, since it just means that we will get what we came for but only not when we came for it. Then, my wife sensed I was going to cause trouble...

I got up, but my carry-on bag down on my seat and stepped toward the crowd. I made sure I waited for the right time. Just as the lead mob henchman said something to the effect of "Why don't you send up someone in higher authority to tell us more," I chimed in with "If you don't settle down, they might send someone up here to take you away!" Yes, that's what I said. And, it achieved the effect I was hoping for in the person that it was aimed at. He immediately backed down and gave this thing just a little thought. But another immediately took offense that I should dare to use logical thought. I believe some semblance of his words would be "Hey, why don't you pipe down?! You don't need to be a hero! What are you some frickin American?!" Yes, he actually said that (ask my wife if you don't believe that this is how it went down).

I wasn't terribly surprised about that last comment. There is more than a large share of America-hating among Canadian citizens. For most it's to the point where anything that has potentially negative connotations has American associations. Prejudice masked as patriotism is a topic for another rant. However, in the heat of the moment I responded with the less than intelligent "What are you some sort of fricking idiot?" Then a girl comes out and says "Excuse me!" She was looking at Mr. Canada when she said it, and I had no idea why. Turns out she is an American.

I was then confronted by another person on my way to picking up our baggage. He said, "Excuse me but we have a right to free speech and, especially when one of these corporations is concerned..." That's where I interrupted his diatribe to state my side a little more calmly (and with futility of course). It ended up with him telling me some sob story about how he hasn't seen his daughter in 9 months, so naturally 4 more hours would be the end of the world.

And that was the beginning of our vacation. I began by being dubbed the "Greatest American Hero" (and sitting on the aisle one row away from the person who called me an American). However, I did happen across the member of the flight crew that I tried to help out. He was grateful, and very happy that someone made the effort. I'm certainly no hero (and not American...that wouldn't be so bad though), but at least I managed to help someone at least partially avoid several people making him miserable just because they were. And I managed to embarass my wife as well, even though she thought I was right. My job here is done.

To infinity, and beyond!

A Toast to the Host Who Boasts the Best Roast

2006-03-09T20:09:00.000-06:00

I could be mistaken, but I was under the impression that celebrity roasts were originally done for the purpose of paying tribute to a particular celebrity by their friends and peers. This would be done by accentuating all kinds of things about the subject in a funny, sort of mocking way. It would be making fun of them, but usually with love (and not just for the sake of mocking them).

Recently, I was looking at DVDs (see last post) and noticed something that I had only recently heard about. Comedy Central broadcasted a roast of Pamela Anderson that has now been released on DVD. A roast (tribute?) of...Pamela "I have boobies" Anderson. What?!

This made me realize that either the whole world has gone crazy and somehow thinks that Pam has done something worthy of paying tribute to (best cleavage?), or the nature of celebrity roasts has changed. I am leaning toward the second option, which would have to mean that roasts are now done probably of just about any pop culture icon and strictly for the purpose of pointing out how ridiculous that person is.

This leads me to think that people are just being lazy. I mean, really, is it that difficult to think of jokes to make fun of Pam? I'm guessing there were probably about 200 boob jokes, and several jokes about the infamous video tape that was released of her and Tommy Lee doing it. The only challenge in roasting Pamela Anderson would be the time limit that they probably had because there's only so much show that they can put on TV. The editor probably had the hardest time. "There's just so many jokes...too many...jokes...can't pick...best ones."

Those who know me know that I'm rarely critical of the antics of Hollywood (seriously), but this time...come on! Try harder next time, challenge yourself. I know you can do better.

Ya Gotta Give the People What They Want

2006-03-07T20:44:00.000-06:00

I wanted to accomplish a simple task today: buy a copy of the special edition of Walk the Line. Doesn't seem like it should be difficult right?

Well, I went to 6 different stores. To be fair, I found 6 or 7 copies of the movie at the 5th store I went to, but they were all full screen copies of the regular edition and they had just come in today. Seriously, 5 out of 6 stores were completely sold out of any copies of the movie?!

The movie was released exactly 1 week ago tonight. Oh, you could find plenty of copies of the new Harry Potter dvd. Probably thousands of copies. But Walk the Line...I mean, did they just not think it would be that popular so each store only ordered a few copies? You can bet they didn't order as many copies of it as they did Harry Potter. I actually asked an employee at one store if they had recalled every single copy of the movie for some reason.

So this is my request to all the stores that carried the movie: how about you order more than 5 copies next time? Give it the same respect that you give other big releases...damn you Harry Potter!

It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp

2006-03-06T02:51:00.000-06:00

aka "Martin Scorsese 0, Three-Six Mafia 1" (you said it Jon)

(Disclaimer: This isn't really a rant)

Well, the Oscars are over once again. No really big surprises I guess...except for 1, perhaps. While the Academy didn't get a chance to spit on Martin Scorsese this year (that's what happens when he doesn't release one), they did get a chance to tell the world what it's all about.

For those who didn't see Hustle and Flow, it's a movie about a man whose profession is being a pimp, but whose dream is to be an accomplished rapper. The movie includes a song that the character writes called "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp".

The song was nominated for the Oscars this year and was performed on stage at the presentation by a group called Three-Six Mafia. Despite more likely songs being nominated along side it, the song won. From the way Three-Six Mafia celebrated the award, you'd think they just signed a $100 million record contract. They were truly grateful...and speechless for the first few seconds after dancing their way to the podium.

I, for one, am glad they won the award (I haven't been this happy since Eminem's song won for 8 Mile), but I can't help to wonder what this indicates about the academy. The jokes about a song by that title even being nominated probably still haven't stopped. Jon Stewart couldn't believe what was happening (he was at least somewhat pleasantly surprised, I think). In his words, "I think it just got a little easier out here for a pimp!"

Good for you Three-Six Mafia, if Scorsese doesn't win for his brilliant directing...at least your win will make some people in Hollywood just uncomfortable enough.

Bean Cult-ure

2006-02-19T00:31:00.000-06:00

i'm on to you starbucks! you tried to suck me in, but i'm too swift for your cheap trickery!

i'm at starbucks after work yesterday because that's where my carpool goes. i'm not the driver, so i go along every week and get a brownie and some water. i've never been a coffee man. i'm just not impressed.

first of all, i don't really like warm beverages at all. hot chocolate is ok. but coffee is mostly too bitter. i know you can sweeten it and everything, but if i do drink it i usually need to put so much sugar in it, just to make it palatable, that it's basically like hot chocolate anyway.

so, today, i was enjoying what i ordered when one of the servers brings around free samples of their new "marble mocha macchiato". i took one, hesitatingly. i mean, i didn't think i would possibly like it but...it's free. so i took a sip..."damn, this is pretty good!" another sip followed..."wow, must drink more."

i downed that sample cup pretty quick and wanted...MORE! i could barely contain myself. i was buzzed. it was all i could do to stop myself from buying a cup. but i did stop myself.

don't you try it again starbucks. you tried once, and it was a noble effort. "marble mocha macchiato"...it's coffee! but you're not gonna get me!

Refusal to Deliver

2006-02-04T10:34:00.000-06:00

alright canada post, we've got a beef to settle, you & me! you're starting to piss me off now!

alright johnny, let's be fair. you can't blame an entire company for the shortcomings of one employee. one very lazy-ass employee.

where i live, it's been snowing...a lot. as a matter of fact it doesn't really seem to stop for all that long. we've had a mild winter. apparently, the milder the winter the more snow you get. so guess what. i don't even bother with the stuff anymore. there's no point in shovelling. it would be like mopping the floor in a bathroom at that woodstock revival they had in the 90s. in other words, completely useless because the more you get rid of the snow on areas where people like to walk, the more snow that falls.

so lately i've simply done all that i could do to make sure there was a path on the front walk that's about a foot across. a foot is plenty wide enough to have room to walk on. there's no problem here...

so here's where i get to the point. the last couple of days we haven't gotten any mail. i'm talking 2...3 days in a row. that never happens. so my wife pointed out what's happening here. the mail delivery person is refusing to deliver because the space on our walk is too narrow. what the hell?!

too narrow!!?!?! damn lazy mail person! your stupid union empowers you to the point where you look for the smallest excuse not to do your damn job. guess what? you're on the mail route anyway, walking by our house. just deliver the stupid mail because you get paid to do it.

so people say to me when i complain about this, "hey, how dare you be so brash as to call the mail deliver person lazy when you won't even clean your front walk?" and that's a valid point...except that I don't get paid to clean my front walk. the canada post person does get paid to deliver mail.

so just get the job done and there won't be a problem!

quote of the day

2006-01-22T23:02:00.000-06:00

while i'm waiting to process a rant enough to type it (otherwise it only comes out in curse words and gibberish), i will post some quotes that are fit only for the rant:

“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.”
-Gloria Steinem

“It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.”
-Unknown

film review, standardrant style

2005-12-19T00:11:00.000-06:00

actually, this isn't a rant. but, i saw "king kong" yesterday and feel compelled to share my breakdown of the movie. it contains absolutely no spoilers and gives you a wonderfully complete summary of my reaction to everything i saw, heard, and felt. so, here it is:

35% Thrill
65% Suck

cinematic chit-chat

2005-12-18T23:57:00.000-06:00

well, the edge of my anger has worn off...since this happened a week ago. but if i think about the incident long enough, i get pissed off again.

so i go to see narnia. i had looked forward to it for a year and was really ready to enter the world of narnia with the characters in the movie. of course, in order to do so, i would have to "leave" the world i'm in. normally this isn't difficult to do at the theater or even sometimes at home. i try to get lost in the world of the characters when i'm watching a movie.

now, for those of you who are reading this and haven't seen narnia, i will do my best to avoid spoilers (of course, if you read the book when you were younger, like you should have, there really aren't any spoilers in this movie and you should be ashamed of yourself for hoping i would avoid them!).

so i'm in the empty room with little lucy and as she walks past the fur coats and feels the evergreen tree, i can feel the wind of the narnian woods when i hear a not-so-quiet voice declare (in a faux whisper, no less), "that's the secret world of narnia, she got to it through the wardrobe".

what?

yes, that's right, as i'm trying to get lost in lucy's world, i hear someone back in my world, a few seats over from me in the world of "moov e theater" explain to someone next to them what was happening on the screen.

now, if it happened just the one time it would be ok. but it went on at random times throughout the movie. this woman would explain to the man she was sitting with what the characters on the screen were experiencing. it was completely ridiculous! granted, i have no idea what kind of arrangement they have worked out between them where, for some absurd reason, he has agreed that she will explain movies to him without his explicit request at the time of explanation.

if that's the case, wait until the bloody thing is released on video to make good on your agreement or keep your talk the hell down so others who don't need every single thing explained to us can enjoy ourselves too!

behind the icy wheel

2005-12-16T09:27:00.000-06:00

okay, fine...so lately a lot of my posts have been about driving. i happen to spend a lot of time in a car, and it's not because i enjoy driving around. i only want to be in my car to get from point A to B, and i like the trip to be over as soon as possible. it also just so happens that i get extremely pissed off when i'm driving, and for very good reason.

understand something: winnipeg drivers, for the most part, are worse than drivers in some other canadian cities that i've been to. reason being: you have to think that, while some drivers with manitoba plates haven't necessarily been in winnipeg for a while, the majority of them driving around (during the day especially) probably have been here for at least a couple of years.

i don't understand how it's possible to forget how to drive during winnipeg winters...every...bloody...year! it happens every year; the snow falls and there's some ice on the road and 1 of 2 things inevitably happen: either people drive way too slow or they drive ridiculously dangerous. there doesn't seem to be much in between.

if you ask my wife, who's usually more honest (and possibly objective) about my driving than i am, i am pretty good at the happy medium. but there are some people who do 40 K/h in a zone that's normally 80, or people who change lanes without signalling their intentions and do so within inches of another car who they're cutting off and expect the car in the destination lane to simply slam on the breaks without consequence! this prompts me to immediately yell "jackass!" or something else of the curse variety that some of you have probably never heard me say if you know me.

People of Winnipeg: Commit to memory what it takes to drive during a Winnipeg winter, and adjust to road conditions...but be REASONABLE for crying out loud!!!

btw, stay tuned for a rant about a recent cinematic experience that was particularly irritating.

driving fish

2005-12-06T18:23:00.000-06:00

i don't know if i mentioned something about this before but i'm doing it now. i'll try to keep it short, and to the point.

people should really think twice before affixing a fish icon to the back of their car. inevitably, the ones with the fish on the back of their car can be some of the worst drivers to ever start a car.

if you associate that fish with any sort of element of faith in your life that you have respect for, you would think twice before displaying that fish so casually. it really doesn't help the impression others have of christians when they see that fish and see you driving like an idiot.

plus, is there really a purpose to wearing that fish like a banner on your car? do you really think it's gonna be a positive influence on the people around you...or is it more just an announcement of pride? you know, pride is a vice!

so if you're reading this and you have a fish on the back of your car, just know that it would be better for the faith and people's impressions of it if you didn't.

shopping stupidity

2005-12-06T18:15:00.000-06:00

why don't stupid people stay home?

the other day i was shopping for a set of popcorn bowls for my wife. now, for those unfamiliar with the culture of the kernel, a set of popcorn bowls usually involves a large serving bowl and 4 individual, smaller, bowls.

so i'm at a particular store looking for a set of bowls and i ask one of the store people if they sell any. after getting an answer, a woman nearby can't help but to blurt out "movie night, huh?"

acutally, yes. the wife and i were at home and had rented a movie and i thought to myself, "this movie would be really incomplete if we couldn't put our popcorn in a set of popcorn bowls. so i went out, completely spontaneously, and decided to go from store to store in a last minute attempt to find popcorn bowls."

idiot! why would someone go out to find popcorn bowls for a movie night?! do you even know what season it is? i don't suppose you could possibly assume it's a gift? what business is it of yours anyway?

note to stupids: do us and yourself a favor, just go about your own business and do your own shopping and spare the rest of us from your little brain fart thoughts!

the suckerpunch

2005-12-06T18:12:00.000-06:00

i hate winnipeg. it sucks. the weather only gets you while you're looking the other way. one second it's "it's gonna be a mild winter", the next second you're getting 30 mph winds that take the temps from -15 to -35. it's a suckerpunch in the balls is what it is. and we have no defense. damn, i hate winnipeg!

the rant is back!

2005-03-01T16:22:00.000-06:00

alright. it's been way too long. but i make no apologies. i have a few rants on the way and i will begin with what has most recently provoked my rage.

my anger is directed straight at you academy of motion picture arts and sciences! you have pissed on martin scorsese for the last time. clint eastwood has never directed anything with half the scope that scorsese has. i don't even care about best picture, you can misdirect your best picture oscars for the rest of eternity for all i care. it's best director we're after.

there is not currently a director alive with as much talent or creativity as scorsese and you have ignored him too many times. you made things right last year when you gave peter jackson the award that he had previously been ignored for. even if rotk wasn't the best of 3, he deserved the award for the trilogy. what about scorsese?! he has deserved best director for everything he's done.

just the epic nature of his films is enough reason to put him over the top if the race is close. you people are insane and should all be commited to institutions where you will be closely monitored so that you no longer commit the crimes that have been perpetrated by you lo these many years!

will rant for food

2004-12-07T16:11:00.000-06:00

well, don't count on any rants any time soon. i had a job for 3 years and now it's gone. i guess all the s**t i put up with isn't as important as i thought it was. know anyone that has lots of money they don't want?

alternative

2004-11-25T17:45:00.000-06:00

hey. still on a short break from ranting (basically, the break ends the next time i write a rant, which should be in the next couple days).

anyway, i've been toying with the idea of writing in a second blog for a while now. i basically decided that it was a good idea, since i keep getting ideas for pieces for the other blog and have nothing to do with them.

basically, my other blog will have a different theme than this one. it'll be more..."serious". not that i'm not serious about my rants, because, while i know that some people find them entertaining, to me they're 100% honest and the things that i think about.

but the other blog will be more about other things i think about. see, i consider myself a person of faith and feel like i want an outlet to write about the issues my faith (and my involvement in a faith community) inspires me to think about. that's all there is to it.

so if you know me as a person and like me, and prefer my more reflective side to my more reactive side, then my other blog will probably interest you more. of course, the pieces on my other blog will not be posted as frequently as i sometimes post rants (just because more reflective pieces take more time to write...given that i would be taking time to reflect). then again, nothing should keep you from, say, reading both of my blogs. but this is just to let you know that there will be another mistress in my life.

the link will be here and will also forever be in the description on the right-hand side of this blog (after the part where i tell you to "like it or lump it").

that's all for now, stay tuned for the next rant (in a couple of days, i promise).

inspired to conspire

2004-11-25T17:31:00.000-06:00

i got a few rants up my sleeve right now, but i'm gonna take a break and instead just shoot out a little quote from the man who inspires me:

"you find me offensive, i find you offensive
for finding me offensive
hence, if i should draw the line any fences
if so to what extent if at any i should go
cause it's getting expensive
being on the other side of the courtroom on the defensive
they say i cause extensive
psychological nerve damage to the brain when i got to lengths this
far at other peoples' expenses.
i say you're all just too ******* sensitive it's censorship and it's
downright blasphemous
let's end this **** now cause i won't stand for this..."

-eminem, "rain man"
encore

complaint department's closed!

2004-11-19T13:08:00.000-06:00

one thing i've been getting real tired of is complainers. but not just any complainers. it's one thing for someone to just complain about something. hell, i do it all the time. i get tired of people complaining about people who complain! do you see the damn irony in that!?

for instance, some celebrities find it hard to deal with the stuff that comes with their territory. so they talk about how it's hard to go out sometimes. they talk about how they'd love just to be able to go out with friends or family without 1000 people bothering them. granted, "it comes with the territory."

for the first bit of their lives, most people who will eventually become celebrities are doing whatever it takes to get their foot in the door so they can get paid to do what they like to do. most of us can relate to that. shoot, would i love to get paid to sit here and write these rants for 8 hours a day? hell yeah, i'd love to...there would probably be a lot of rants that are better quality too, since i'd be spending more time on editing and such.

anyway, then these celebrities get signed to a big record label or get a big part in a movie or whatever. but then they blow up and their face is recognized everywhere they go. seriously, can you imagine not being able to go to the bathroom without having someone ask you for a favor or an autograph? i mean, it's a great thing to have people admire you and things, but the next thing you know some reporter is
going through your trash or has his camera lens in your bathroom window, taking pictures of you in the shower, or worse, because they want to give people dirt on your life.

but enough of that. the point is not that i feel sorry for them. only that, for the most part, i can understand where they're coming from. because it's not possible to do something they enjoy without those circumstances coming with the territory. they can't have one without the other. the mentality is that if you are willing to become so good at what you do that you're world famous, you deserve to have no privacy and no free life (yes, ben affleck and jennifer lopez are a prime example). it's completely ridiculous.

you know i read an article written by two people all about what ben affleck should do next with his life and who he should and shouldn't date!? who cares what girl ben affleck dates? is there any reason people are so intent on following this guy's life, especially since most of them claim to hate him so much? don't even get me started on that whole "bennifer" thing, what a ridiculous joke.

so good charlotte, and all you other jerks that act like you wouldn't be saying the same things as those celebrities if you were in their positions can all shut your holes! you're all full of it. get your own damn lives. maybe if you pay more attention to your own business, you wouldn't be so much of a jerk.

look, now you got me complaining!

57 varieties of stupid

2004-11-02T16:59:00.000-06:00

you know how some people apologize for something without actually apologizing? this is when people "apologize" but qualify their apology so as to still maintain some false sense of pride?

recently, john kerry's wife said something really stupid. something that demonstrated how ridiculously self-important she really is. a newspaper reporter, in the middle of an interview with mrs. heinz-kerry, asked what the differences between her and mrs. bush are. granted, who the hell cares, but let's humor the reporter and assume there's some indecipherable relevant reason for asking such a dumb question. irregardless...mrs. kerry's answer? "i don't believe laura bush has ever held a real job."

i don't know where to begin with what's wrong with that statement. first of all, what the hell does that have to do with personalities or character (an aspect implicit to the question being asked)?! second, is it really any of mrs. kerry's business who has held what jobs?
this is indicative of the problem with jerks. they make assumptions and they look down their noses at other people because of those assumptions (which often aren't true).

so, anyway, now comes the apology. a day or two later, mrs. kerry makes a statement of supposed apology. "oops! i was wrong. i forgot she was a school teacher for 10 years and has always been a dedicated wife and mother for a long time. and being a homemaker is hard, which is something that i know a lot about." (warning: quotes are paraphrases which are written to be as close to actual statement as possible).

how does someone actually go from one extreme to the other? does she really expect us to believe that, within a couple of days, she goes from being somewhat of a bigot to a compassionate person?

sometimes, people say stupid things. then, to apologize for the stupid things they said, they say other stupid things. do you think it might just be better if they shut up?

me against you

2004-11-02T16:24:00.000-06:00

what's been getting me lately is opinions. actually, this beef has been building for a long time.

everytime someone disagrees with you, they'll say something like "that's just an opinion." as if to say, "there's no right answer here, just preferences."

what a load of crap! so what if it's just an opinion? since when can't opinions be right or wrong?

hitler had some opinions of people that were different, does that mean they were ok...because they were opinions? no? so, what, in some cases opinions are absolutely wrong?

martin luther king, jr. had some opinions about how all people should be treated by a certain standard, but was that just an opinion?

just because you can't figure out who's right, doesn't mean someone isn't right. maybe that's just your opinion.

that's it, i'm done!

Another Link in the Chain

2004-10-31T09:50:00.000-06:00

something i've been wondering lately is why people create chain letters.

there are a lot of people who pass them on. mostly it would seem that they're passed on because of promises made by the letter that they don't wanna miss out on (hell, i've even done the "microsoft will send you money if you pass this on" letter). and they do it even though previous attempts to get stuff by passing on chain letters hasn't exactly been...profitable.

but what about people who create the letters. what on earth do these people have to gain from creating a letter that says "you'll be lucky if you annoy 10 other people by sending this to them." they don't get the satisfaction of seeing that they suckered people into false hope. so why do they do it?

i would even ask the same question of some people that write virus or worm code. unless the worm causes a denial-of-service attack on some huge company's website, wouldn't writing something like that pretty much just be...masturbation?

maybe we should consider putting all of our resources to hunting them down while bin laden is still being hunted. at least we'll catch some of the hackers!...jerks.

let's not "should" this guy to death

2004-10-16T02:47:00.000-05:00

hi! long time no rant. well, that's happened for 2 reasons. 1) it's been really busy at work lately and, yada yada, i'm really tired. 2) nothing really pissed me off enough to write about...until yesterday.

i heard someone say something that i've heard before, and i realized how much it gets to me. it strikes me as being incredibly arrogant and ridiculously exclusionary. apparently, if you don't have kids you have nothing valid to say about the institution or practice of parenting.

try to stay with me on this one. a local radio talk show host was introducing an upcoming segment and basically inserted a disclaimer before making a statement about parenting. it was something to the effect of, "now, i'm not a parent, but apparently a recent poll demonstrated that a lot of parents spend less than 10 minutes per day helping their child(ren) with homework." a co-worker, without missing a beat, quickly blurted out, "until you're a parent, you've got nothing to say."

i've heard this before. would people who say these kinds of things honestly have us believe that one day they were stupid about parenting and the next day...child is born and bada-bing they have all these valid ideas about parenting? what is it that makes people say things like that?! are they concerned that when other, non-parent, people have valid thing to say about how certain parenting tasks should be performed that the parent people will be made to look stupid?

no one's trying to "dethrone" parents. drop your pride. believe it or not, good parenting ideas can be had by people who aren't parents. in fact...yeah, i would venture to say that there are even times when better parenting ideas are had by people who aren't parents because they're removed from the emotional attachment that many parents have to their kids that affects their judgement.

so guess what? parents who spend less than 10 minutes a day with their child on their child's homework aren't spending enough time. now, some of you might say, "but johnny, some parents are too busy working and providing to spend much time with their kids at all, never mind on homework."

i have a few things to say about that (surprise!). these aren't value judgements. i'm not saying any of the offenders are "bad parents". so take the knots out of your unmentionables and listen up! 1) you should have thought about that before you had or adopted a child. 2) you can't honestly expect me to believe that, out of an evening comprised of a total of 4 hours you can't find 30 minutes-1 hour to spend with your child on homework. no, this still may not be all your child needs, but it's a start. and, finally, 3) deal with it!

my name is johnny and i am not a parent!

another bright idea

2004-10-16T02:40:00.000-05:00

okay, this is less of a rant and more just something that i find really funny. given the recent hockey lock-out (to all you nhl fans: haw haw!), cbc is scrambling to fill saturday night after saturday night in programming. at this point, they no longer have the opportunity to show far too many hours of men on razor blades chasing a black piece of rubber with sticks. so what's their brilliant idea? movies! yep, the cbc think tank went to work and this is what they came up with. it's the most original idea since pepsi. but that's not even really the funny part. in their quest to come up with a snappy title for this slot of programming, they decide to rest on their laurels and go with old faithful. yes, that's right...they're actually calling it movie night in canada.

it's like we're giving it away

2004-10-16T02:39:00.000-05:00

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the passion of the takers

2004-10-01T06:54:00.000-05:00

okay, this is my first ever "rant-on-the-spot", by which i mean the first time that i've ever written a rant immediately after being enraged. but i'm so inspired that i didn't want to pass up this opportunity to comment on stupidity.

i was watching a news report this morning about the "take back the night" rally that recently took place in winnipeg. now, i'm all for taking things back, but the organizer of the rally said things that just didn't make sense.

"we're here to protest against more than just physical and sexual violence against women. there are other kinds of violence against women in society. there's economic violence for instance."

now, before i continue the quote (yes, i paraphrased, but the words "economic violence" are direct quote), let me just say this. my immediate reaction to that statement, as perhaps many of you are experiencing right now, was "what the hell is economic violence?" no, i don't think it's people throwing money or shooting money or otherwise assaulting other people with money, who would complain about that?

"for example, 60% of single, widowed, or divorced women over the age of 65 are living in poverty." (okay, i don't remember the exact percentage in the statistic, but the rest is actually what was said, emphasis mine.)

uh...what? yeah, i don't think it's just women over 65 lady! it happens to, some would say, the majority of senior citizens, male and female, black white red yellow or any other skin color. it's called the "pension plan" okay?! anyone who retires at the age of 65 that didn't invest in RRSPs (which, let's face it, didn't really become popular until the early-mid 90's and so is less common among people retiring today), any of those people are poor. there's no way that, statistically, a person would actually have the money to live on a regular pension alone and actually have all of their needs taken care of.

look, just stick to your outcry about physical and sexual violence against women, alright taker?! those things are realistically bad enough to protest, you don't need BS like "economic violence" to solicit empathy from the rest of us. actually, if i were less intelligent, i might actually be inclined to lose interest in your cause because of that statement. you're certainly not doing the fight any favors by rallying against "economic 'violence'".

"i'll have the mcdeal and...uh, some cash."

2004-09-22T23:32:00.000-05:00

you may have heard of a tv show called "world's dumbest criminals", how about "world's laziest criminals"? now, i know that crime isn't exactly pulled off by hard working individuals, but i heard something recently that was more ridiculous than anything i'd heard before.

this guy pulls up to a mcdonald's drive-thru window, points a gun at the clerk and demands money. is this what criminals have sunk to? i mean, this is lazy, really really lazy. yeah, yeah, sure, there's the convenience of already being in the get-away car, but there's no excuse for being this lazy.

what, you were on the couch at home and wondered if there was a way to still sit on your ass and make money?! if you're gonna threaten someone's life and possibly put them in a position whereby they will have to change their pants after visiting with you, at least meet them half-way and get out of the damn car! "hey...uh, i don't want to get up or anything, but you may die if i don't get some cash."

jackass, this is the easiest money most people would ever make, at least get up to do it!
(note: the previous entire rant may be based on false pretenses. criminal may not actually have been driving. still, the world's most convenient way to get food is a stupid place to commit crime...put some thought into it next time).

bad...uh, parkers

2004-09-22T23:14:00.000-05:00

okay, so i couldn't come up with a clever little title for this rant. maybe i'm just too mad. bad (read: self-centered) parkers piss me off more than most things. you know the type, "there's only a few spots left here so i think i'll park in the middle of two spots."

usually, bad parkers drive one of 2 types of vehicles: sports cars or big trucks (often half-tons). why is it necessary for these people to make sure that the next guy gets the royal screw job?! it often happens at the movie theater on busy nights or at other places/events when parking would already normally be scarce as it is.

and why the hell doesn't parking lot "security" do something? it's clear they're just there so certain property holders get a break on their insurance, but they could do something as long as they're there. i'm not even sure how these people can do it without thinking "hey...maybe...maybe someone would like to park in the gigantic empty space that i'm hording." of course, some are more flagrant about it than others (parking diagonally when the parking lot is clearly designed to park), but an offense is an offense.

unfortunately, some of the worst parking is at church on a sunday. for some reason, a lot of christians, though they have strong convictions about many things, don't think it's important to show consideration for other people who would like to park closer to the church in -50 degree conditions.

if you're one of those causing the problem, please, the next time you decide it might be fun to park diagonally when everyone else is parked another way, try to realize that a decent human being may not do what you're considering.

the moore the merrier

2004-09-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

ok. granted, this isn't a rant. but i just read something that made me chuckle and had to share. apparently, as predicted, american conservatives are doing their "counter-point" against michael moore's efforts in "fahrenheit". good for them, i say.

a recent film festival held in (surprise!) texas, hosted screenings of several pro-republican films. the biggest draw? a movie called "michael moore hates america". well, no one predicted that the conservatives' come-back would be intelligent-sounding or mature. it's not a bad title, actually...but perhaps one better would have been "i know you are, but what am i". hopefully the body of the movie is more thoughtful.

musical minds

2004-09-15T08:33:00.000-05:00

i've been thinking, lately, about people who say they're "open minded" when it comes to music. you know how it goes...someone says to someone else "what kind of music do you like?" then the person being asked says "oh, i'm pretty open minded when it comes to music. everything but...", then the person proceeds to say exactly what kind of music they hate and sometimes even why they hate it.

hey, don't kid yourself. you know you've said it...hell, i've even said it a few times. but is that really open minded?! if you say you like "all music" and then insert an "except for", you don't really like all music, do you?

for instance, i like a lot of music, but i hate that new country (basically everything after 1970 that's not johnny cash) and i can't bear to hear anything with an obviously mechanized beat (for lack of a better term, "techno", but i use that term broadly), and most pop. then again, i make exceptions in the "techno" area (e.g. joy electric), but i stand by my "country" statement. yeah, and there are probably a few others i can't stand, too.

point is, why don't we just stop lying to each other?! let me make the first move: i'm not open minded about music, and there's even a few artists that i think should stop making music all together (*cough*christina aguilera*cough*)!

men on film

2004-09-01T00:06:00.000-05:00

there may not be that many of you out there who care enough about film to really care about the extras on dvds. some of you just like the better picture or better sound. great...this rant won't make sense to you.

i'm getting tired of the way dvd extras are being produced and the kind of extras that are being produced. in this viewer's opinion, dvd producers, movie studios, et cetera...if you're going to include commentary, it's a good idea to have something like "technical commentary" as a secondary option to "director" or "cast" commentary...so you're doing something right. but how about more cast and less crew on the primary commentaries? and i'm not talking about the 2nd or 3rd supporting roles. i don't care if certain actors are reluctant to do the commentaries...get them done!

also, how about having more than 2 people on the main commentary gathered in the same room...actually interacting with what other people are saying. you want some examples?! fight club, good will hunting, lotr extended editions, these are cast commentaries done right (in case some of you didn't catch it, those are recommendations for you to go out and see those dvds with commentary...they're sometimes funny and often enlightening).

also, one quick last note (yes, i could keep going, but i want many of you to come back for future rants...), "theatrical trailer", "dolby surround", "widescreen", "cast bios"...none of these qualifies as a "special feature" anymore. maybe when dvds were first mass-produced in, like, 1997, these were considered "special", but now they are just standard. if you're making dvds and not including these kinds of things, you're wasting your time and ours.

V I P, yeah you know me

2004-08-31T23:48:00.000-05:00

okay, not sure if this will qualify as a rant (doesn't everything i say qualify?).

anyway...i was watching a "look at all the money celebrities spend" show recently, and heard someone in the service industry refer to specific celebrities as "VIPs". these particular celebrities (yes, they're a couple) spend thousands of dollars on one meal or an evening out.

okay, i could spout off about the obvious "shouldn't they be feeding the hungry" rant, but i'm not gonna go there. i am concerned about something much less important, yet perhaps just as curious. i understand that celebrities get certain "priority treatment" because they are who they are...but is it really VIP treatment if they're paying for every cent?

i mean, yes they get into that one restaurant that none of us could get into (nor do we likely care about), but they're also probably slipping the "maitre d'" (sp?) a couple hundred, and tipping everyone else on the way to the table. so, really, they're only important because they have the money to back up their reservation? does anyone else see the irony of this?

if they were truly important, wouldn't they be getting it all for the low, low price of nothing?

suicide on wheels

2004-08-31T23:33:00.001-05:00

wow, another rant about cyclists...already? yes. this is in regard to cyclists who flirt with death. cyclists who seem to think that, because motorists are to treat them as they would other vehicles, their bike must be as tough as other vehicles.

based on the comments i received about my last "bike rant", i know i have at least a couple of cyclists in the audience...so listen up! i realize it's a frustrating thing for both cyclists and motorists in winnipeg that it's currently illegal for cyclists to ride on the sidewalk, but let's not take our frustrations out on each other. cyclists, if you want to be treated with the same respect as motorists are supposed to show other vehicles, you need to realize that the same LAWS apply to you.

no, i'm not referring to speed. clearly, unless you're a frigging looney toon, you will not meet (nor be expected to meet) the minimum speed limit. however, there are other laws that apply to you. see that stop sign?! yes, that means you mr. or ms. cyclist. don't think you need to observe it? be prepared to accept the risk. and don't look at me that way when i make the "you're a jackass" face at you, because you've earned it.

hey there, biking with a buddy? that's great...SINGLE FILE! last i checked, it wasn't legal for 2 cars to drive buddy-buddy style on a two-lane road, it's not legal for you. wanna flout that rule? you're gonna get tchatched!

now, i know...i know. you're gonna say to me, "johnny...", you're gonna say "johnny, so many cyclists abide by the law." great, maybe a bunch of them do...maybe you're one of them, but a whole bunch don't. clearly, they're the ones i'm referring to. that's it, i'm done!

so biff wants to be a buff

2004-08-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

in case some of you haven't noticed, i love movies. more than that, i love film. i love its boundaries and i love its freedoms. i find few art forms that hold as much potential to both tell story and provide the visuals that, often on their own, can be quite impactful.

along with that, i find it interesting to know a lot about movies, past, present, and future. people like what they like and that's all there is to it. for the life of me, i can't figure out why certain people don't like certain movies to the extent that i do. likewise, i've had people recommend certain movies to me, or else describe what a wonderful experience they had with a certain picture, and once i've seen the same movie i can't, for the life of me, understand what's so damn special about "this" or "that".

but what bugs me even more is people who define, for me, what does or does not qualify me to be a movie or film buff. guess what, people, my attempt to avoid certain titles or dislike of them, or disinterest in them, does not disqualify me for the label of "movie buff". as a matter of fact, i can argue that, for certain titles, the fact that i choose to avoid them may be the decision that specifically is the reason i should consider myself a buff (*cough* *catwoman*).

yes, people have made statements about my qualifications that, for the most part, they were joking about. well, that makes me feel much better...

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2004-08-14T17:54:00.000-05:00

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phone rage

2004-08-14T17:45:00.000-05:00

i'm not even sure i can make this rant coherent (well, even as relatively coherent as the others).

i was driving home from work the other day when, after moving into a right turn lane i realized there was a guy on a bike ahead of me who was moving very slowly. i tried to see if i could evaluate what his particular damage was when i realized that...this guy...in rush hour traffic...was driving his bike with one hand and holding his CELL PHONE TO HIS EAR WITH THE OTHER!!!

am i wrong or is this particularly stupid?! you're on a bike! there are large, multi-ton vehicles driving all around you that could, if given even a second, destroy you.

i won't even get into people who drive cars and have long, non-handsfree, conversations on cell phones here. if you are on a bike, get off the phone!

car snobs

2004-08-14T17:17:00.000-05:00

i have a friend that i call a car snob. let me elaborate. this friend of mine holds prejudice against all "domestic" cars no matter who the maker is, where the car is made, what the reviews say, what people who have driven a given domestic say, etc.

of course, there are exceptions to every rule. he will, in the very least, admit that the '67 ford mustang was a great car, but upon hearing that ford has made certain improvements to the newest show model, he will inevitably scoff.

then there's this other guy i know, let's just say it's not in my best interest to indicate how or from where i know him (it involves financial income). upon hearing that my current favorite somewhat affordable car is the PT Cruiser, he cynically commented that the PT cruiser is built on the fram of a Neon. well, even if this is true, the last i checked it wasn't the frame of the Neon that some people complain about. never mind all the positive reviews and fairly good reports on road tests, "this thing's got the frame of a Neon!"

somewhere along the way, the following equations became commonly accepted: domestic=bad, import=good. it could be that imports are generally more reliable than domestics, but to treat any "rule" as perfectly consistent is just plain tomfoolery!

i'm driving a domestic that's been in the family since '89 (when it was purchased as new). we have never had to do any major work to it. it's at 260000+ km, and still going. now, we haven't exactly taken care of it either. it has some minor problems, but i know those who have imports that were released around the same time as my car and are having twice as many problems.

note to car snobs: CHILL!

faith on a letter board

2004-08-14T16:00:00.000-05:00

i was talking to a friend recently about "church signs". now, of course, some people know that the typical ones do more to keep people away than bring them in, so they don't bother trying to be funny and they just try to be sincere. this is admirable.

then there are others...i'm not sure who writes these things, but i think the ratio of horrible to even remotely clever is about 896:2. you have to ask yourself how the person at the church who slides the letters onto the board could possibly not know how ridiculous many of these things sound.

the most recent atrocity that comes to mind is "God answers knee-mail." Uh, earth to humorless guy, this isn't making your church look like the most happenin' place. now, i'm a church guy myself, so i'm writing about this from the inside. if churches have to have a sign board and can't put something funny (in a good way) or clever on the sign (e.g. "'Don't make me come down there!' -God"), then they need to stick to sincere.

blood glory

2004-08-09T10:32:00.000-05:00

i've been thinking lately about the complaint that so many people have that "this" or "that" glorifies violence. in effect, what many people are implying is that any display/description of violence on tv, a movie, music, or books is glorifying violence.

guess what? i don't buy it! by definition, anything that idealizes something, or makes it out to be better than it actually is, glorifies it. prime example: the terminator series. now, this is actually one of my guilty pleasures. i have seen all three episodes of that series and i would likely see future episodes. but, truth be told, in the terminator movies, violence is glorified. granted, the glorified violence is mostly the violence that is aimed at the "evil" robots, but you get my point (okay, not a great example...but you come up with a better one). if this offends you as a robot, my apologies.

the problem, that i find, is that people say that things like goodfellas, the sopranos, saving private ryan, basically glorify violence just because it is displayed. but, as i explained to someone recently, these things don't really glorify violence because it is generally not shown to be without consequences. in goodfellas, "good guys" and "bad guys" die. in the sopranos, violence has rarely, if ever, been shown to be without various consequences. in saving private ryan...well, if you've ever seen it, i doubt that you came away from it with a favorable perspective on violence.

so, what's the virtue of my time with you today? if you're one of those people that is so quick to proclaim that "this" or "that" glorifies violence, just think about how much "glory" is really being depicted in the simulated violence that you are condemning. then again, seeing that guy's legs blown off in "band of brothers" does make me want to join the army...

less moore

2004-08-04T14:07:00.000-05:00

those of you who have talked to me about recent trends in the genre of documentary filmmaking know that i wish michael moore would just go away. it's not because i disagree with his opinions, which, for the most part, i do. it's not because he's a biased filmmaker, which he will freely admit that he is. truth is, few filmmakers are unbiased; and whether or not i agree with a person's opinions often doesn't affect whether i think they're doing their job properly or not.

i looked up the word "documentary" on my favorite dictionary site (here). i usually find this site to be fair in its definitions. most of what came up as a result of the word search dealt mainly with presenting facts or presenting views in a factual manner. the fact is that moore doesn't really do either very well, or at least he stretches the definitions of these ideas.

a prime example is moore's recent interview on the tonight show. he was talking about the american democracy and how it presents a serious lack of options to voters, because americans only really have 2, maybe 3, options. when providing an example of a better system, he referred to canada, because "they have, like, 5 major political parties." by my count, we have the liberals, the coservatives, and the ndp. could someone please tell me what the name of the other 2 major politcal parties are?! and no, the marijuana party, as much as some would like to believe it, is not a major political party. this isn't even the first time he misrepresented what it's like to live in canada (e.g. implying, in bowling for columbine, that nobody in canada locks their doors and, because there's no gun violence, there's really no significant violent crime).

this is exactly my point. moore is constantly misrepresenting facts and presenting them as inherently true, not to mention his unconvincingly empathetic use of his subjects (the "victims") only because they serve to promote his agenda (but that's another rant altogether). public opinion polls, when presented back to the public, constantly do the same thing with facts that moore does. this is fine when taken "with a grain of salt". the problem is that many critics that i have heard review moore's films are quite open about how much he manipulates his facts and just don't seem to care.

but to do to facts what moore does before he presents them to anyone, and then to expect people to treat such a presentation as a serious indictment of any person or group of people is absurd. it probably wouldn't bother me as much, though, if there weren't so many people heralding the profundity of moore's "discoveries".

and some of those who like him will tell me that "the least you can admit is that he's a good filmmaker!" i don't care. there are many good filmmakers and a few great filmmakers that put moore's methods to shame. in comparison to these, he's not even really that good. the use of constant voice-overs and public confrontations designed to embarass certain people isn't exactly a one-two punch when used in every film.

okay, okay, i could go on and on as i already have been. you get my point...i don't believe for a new york minute that he's really doing us any good.

He said Nigger!!!!

2004-07-31T13:01:00.000-05:00

In response to Johnny M's post found below: There is an Indo-Canadian at my work who will refer to himself or 'his people' as brown. He says, "...oh, that's funny, cause we brown people do (this or that)..." and if I'm to say to him, 'brown people,' (and I have), he doesn't say anything. Like, I mean, in the spooky silent disconcerting sort of way. It's like he's allowed to say brown but I'm not. Similarly, African-Americans can run around calling themselves niggers, or like, Canadian First-Nations peoples call themselves Indians. This is what frustrates me, cause when you hang out with someone long enough, you start to talk like them, or at least inherit some of their sayings. When I hung out with these Aussie guys for a few days, I found myself starting to say 'mate', or 'petrol' instead of gas, or things like that. Now thats ok, cause they don't really mind, (not like the English girl I met yesterday...). But if I hang out with an African American who calls himself a nigger, and eventually one day I call him nigger, I'll feel really bad! As a friend he may not even care, but I will. Especially if there are other 'niggers' around, you know? And here's my point. I would love to see racism dissappear as much as the next guy, but I think the most important thing is to start with ourselves. If I look at myself and see a skinny white boy, I'm going to look at other people as 'NOT skinny white boy', and that is the starting point for racism. Niggers, brownies, mennonites, we all do it. We all separate ourselves from the others by labelling our own groups in seemingly derogatory ways. I think maybe this is the key to understanding racism, and the key to helping minimize it.

off to the races!

2004-07-31T03:29:00.000-05:00

i've been wondering something lately about how to be a better white guy. no, i'm serious. but that brings me to my point.

i want nothing more than to see come to life the vision of martin luther king. but does that mean that we will all have to realize the validity of many races, or are we to see no races, only many people? is it better to see 1 color or many colors? if we could all succeed in seeing only 1 color, the "color" of humanity, perhaps that would eliminate racism, because there are no specific races. but that wouldn't necessarily eliminate the potential (likelihood?) of prejudice and bigotry, since the basis for those diseases is more than just race (e.g. class, height, general asthetic desirability, etc.).

but if it's better to see things as they are (i.e. multiple races, skin tones, etc.), than how do we destroy racism (which, of course, is a kind of bigotry)? i don't think, at all, that there is anything inappropriate in embracing our own ethnicity and what that represents in terms of culture and things, but when taken to extremes, this can also lead to conflict.

where is the greater benefit? i know people of various races, ethnicities, and cultures, and i'm always agonizing about how to refer to other people i know who are of the same race (e.g. talking to a black girl, i often don't know if she will be okay with me referring to her or another friend of mine, or some other person, as black). yeah, i know, i'm likely overthinking this, but you can probably tell by now that i overthink anything. comments are welcome.

same bat time...

2004-07-20T00:55:00.000-05:00

hey y'all. if the amount of people using the comments section is any indication of how many read this thing, it's worse than i thought. however, whether there's only one of you, or there's more, i just thought that i'd write a post to say i'm on vacation. i've managed to write 2 posts while away (not including this one), but that's all i'm gonna manage until i get back. thanks to those of you still tuning in...

the value of change

2004-07-20T00:07:00.000-05:00

i'll do my best to keep this short. values just aren't what they used to be.

here's where i'm coming from. my wife just got back from a trip a few weeks back. she took an airplane to get where she was going. it just so happens that on the flight back home she was seated next to some guy. we'll call him joe clueless. this guy strikes up a conversation. being the really polite woman that my wife is, she plays along. apparently, this guy's just really lonely. fine. no problem here.

well, the conversation progresses and he discovers that this lovely lady is married. conversation continues and nothing seems out of the ordinary.

then toward the end of the conversation, he writes his PHONE NUMBER down on a piece of paper and says, "if your husband wouldn't mind, i'd like to go for coffee with you some time." he didn't say, "hey, you seem nice, i'd love to get together with you and YOUR HUSBAND some time." this low-life suggested the idea of taking just my wife out. what is this, Indecent Proposal?

i know you'll call me old school for saying this, so don't bother with it in the comments section, but where are the values and morals in today's society?! i don't give two cents worth if this guy was well meaning (as my wife still believes). as one of my favorite movie characters once said, "ain't the question!" someone who asks a married woman out, by herself, even just on a coffee date, is a bottom feeder. plain and simple. and i know it's been happening for years, but when it happens to your wife you get some perspective on the situation.

you can say that the loosening of censorship rules in entertainment, or the way women dress today, is a sure sign that somebody flushed and we're on the way down, but a definite clue is when a guy finds out that a woman is married and still tries to score some private face time..."if your husband wouldn't mind..."...ugh...gagh...oh, i'm chokin on my own rage here!

ridiculous idol

2004-07-19T23:51:00.000-05:00

lately i've become more and more sad about mainstream pop music. for most of us, just the name "pop music" conjures images of bubble gum and pig tails (what?!). is it just me or has it always been this manufactured? and the record buying public are total sheep most of the time.

case in point: william hung. for those of you who have no idea who this guy is, i'll tell you. he tried out for that epitome of success in the american pop music industry, american idol. it just so happens that the day he auditioned, there was no female judge to try and cushion the blow launched by the two male judges. let's just say the two attending judges wouldn't have poured water on this guy if he was on fire. i can say for sure that i have no argument there, poor old willie couldn't sing on key to save his dying mother. and, like most american idol rejects, you figure you'll never hear from him again.

the problem (?) is, he was too damn likable. so likable in fact that he got his own record contract. a few months, and many record-company-sponsored singing lessons, later and he was no better than he started out being. he can still make your ears bleed with the best of them. but they put his voice on CD (to a few already established pop hits such as "she bangs" and "YMCA"), put his face on the cover, and put the package in record stores. a few promotional appearances and the man is a star!

i don't care if people know he's a horrible singer and just buy the record for the novelty of it, it's still supporting the american record industry's latest experiment. they've been putting out crap in the name of pop music for years (...celine dion...) and people have been eating it up with a shovel because the people with record contracts (for the most part) can sing on key. so they figure, "hey, let's put out some just-plain-shite and see if those zombies will still buy it!" well, guess what? it worked. in the first week alone that lovable chinese man's objectionable song collection sold 40,000 copies...40!! thousand!!!

people, for the love of all that is good, THIS MUST END!

the mosquito problem

2004-07-12T12:39:00.000-05:00

it's no secret that, the world over, winnipeg in famous for 2 things: cold and mosquitos. mind you, the two are mutually exclusive, so all year round we only have one thing or the other. fact is, if we ever had both (and theories of evolution suggest that we soon should), the province would implode and we'd all get sucked into a giant black hole. but i digress...

right now, it's summer. now, unlike most people, i hate summer. hate it. i could not possibly hate summer here more. but it's not just the heat. back yards are breeding grounds for some of the foulest, most carnivorous creatures ever invented (yes, i know that means "meat eaters"...you tell me that mosquitos aren't carnivorous with the huge chunks of flesh missing from my limbs at the end of every summer).

and it's always worse than you ever remember, this year in particular. you see, the city of winnipeg normally treats its citizens to rounds and rounds of anti-mosquito fogging. but this year, winnipeg's summer has been somewhat cooler, mainly at night (believe me, i couldn't be happier about that part). but this also means that city workers stopped fogging the city shortly before they arrived in my community!

they started fogging because it was getting hot, but then stopped because it was unnecessary to fog when the nights are so cool. believe you me, i think i actually heard a chorus of mosquito
cackling when they heard about this. they have actually formed unions because their numbers are so strong. and don't try the weaker repellant...oh no! they've developed a taste for it. some of them have actually evolved to the point where they carry knives and forks so as to more efficiently carve me up.

this just in: the minimum required amount of mosquitos that needed to be found in traps, before the city would begin fogging again, was 25. the "bug department" reported today that the most recent count was 135!

excuse me honey...i'm going to fill the bath tub with the strongest repellant i can find...and then i'm doing laps!!!

No, DON'T LEAVE!

2004-07-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

hey folks, just a technical note. i've noticed recently that sometimes when you visit the blog, you'll get an error in loading the page. just hit "refresh" 3 or 4 times. whatever you do, don't give up hope. i'm not sure what the problem is, if it persists i'll contact blogger tech support. other new posts coming soon. here's a sneak peak: the mosquito problem, pop music, and much more!

anti dog sweater

2004-07-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

and speaking of dogs (see post below this one), do you know what i hate??? pet clothing!!! man, i cannot possibly tell you how much i HATE pet clothing.

what do i hate about pet clothing? where do i begin...see, i believe in the account of original sin. i believe that adam and eve were created naked, disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit, and only then felt shame at their nakedness, thus deciding to don the first ever human fashions. animals, as far as i'm concerned, were not included in the mandate not to eat the forbidden fruit, nor did they eat it. they were designed the way they were designed for a reason.

sure, i'm guilty of dressing my dog up in one of MY sweaters and taking a picture just for kicks. but i would NEVER do so habitually. and i certainly don't condone clothing designed specifically for animals.

i can even pin-point the very moment in my life when this particular intolerance began to really develop (though its roots may have always been present). i was volunteering at an indoor skateboard park when a group had rented the place out. so the kids filed in, and then one of the chaperones comes in, dog under arm (i think it was a poodle or something). i kid you not, that damn dog was wearing A PARKA!!!

i had an immediate anger reflex. then, to provoke my rage even more, the woman with the jacketed dog looked at her friend and asked, "do you think it's warm enough in here to take his jacket off?" even just thinking about the incident, now, evokes a reaction in me that i can't put into words. i have no doubt that her intentions were good, but i don't care. this is inexcusable!

i am convinced that, had pets the cognition (a point of debate), they would feel and perhaps express humiliation at the presumption that they should take on the elements in the same fashion that humans do. for as long as i live, i will be anti dog sweater.

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Dog!

2004-06-30T23:58:00.000-05:00

okay, okay, it sounds stupid. i caught myself coveting a person's dog(s) the other day. see, sometimes when i walk my dog, a person on my block also happens to be walking her dogs (twin huskies, pure bred).

i almost cower in shame when i see them though, because my dog is, well, mangey (without the smell...is that how you spell mangey?...pron. main-gee...), and her dogs are always well groomed and perfectly behaved.

my dog jumps all over any dog that she comes across (not in a sexual way, just in an "hey, it's great to see you!!!" kind of way).

my dog is whiney and barks a lot (and apparently sometimes howls when my wife and i go away). i have never heard a peep out of her dogs.

now, don't get me wrong, this woman clearly takes pride in her dogs and wants them to be neatly groomed. however, she has never once acted superior or condescending because i don't. she has never acted like her dogs are better than my dog, unlike a certain show poodle owner on our block.

but the last time i came across her on one of her dog-walks, i thought to myself, "man, it would be great to have such well behaved dogs!" it's not that i don't love my dog...it's just that...hell, i don't know what i'm trying to say...

is it wrong to covet my neighbor's dogs???

Hip Hop Confessions

2004-06-30T23:22:00.000-05:00

i feel guilty sometimes. you see, there are certain things that our sterotype radar permits us without any nagging. for instance, it's fine for me to listen to pop, metal, punk rock, etc. these are some genres that i enjoy partaking in. however, there is also rap or even hip hop (i think i understand the difference between the two, but talking about it is neither the point of this post, nor is it really even important). this is where i sometimes hear a little voice that says, "uh...what are you doing?" the point is that sometimes my sense of stereotypes tells me i have no right. having grown up in a wasp-y, middle-class family, in good neighborhoods, sometimes i hear this voice in my head that tells me i shouldn't be listening to rap because i can't relate to the things that hip hop or rap artists relate in their songs, nor could i appreciate the value of them. of course, some of this was relieved when eminem got big, but he still talks about a life that i could never relate to. so what right do i have?

here's the thing...a few years ago i went to go see public enemy. now, as far as i was concerned, this was one of the biggest musical experiences that i would have possibly in my entire life. those of you who aren't interested in rap won't relate to this, but...it's...public...enemy! they've never been to my town before and probably never will be again, thanks to certain legal troubles that some of the members of the group have had. earlier in the year, run dmc did a show here, too. i missed that and i would be damned if i was going to miss public enemy. i mean, if you've ever seen "do the right thing" (and you definitely should...any interest you might have in movies BEHOOVES you to see that movie)...if you've ever seen that movie, you know the power that public enemy has to sweep you up into a world you've never experienced ("we've got to fight the powers that be!").

so i went to the public enemy show, wondering what the atmosphere would be like. now, like most good people, i hope and pray that i do not have a racist impulse anywhere in my entire being, but know that there may be a few that come up unexpectedly that i have to fight off. that said, i wondered if i would draw some stares, assuming i would be one of only a few white folks at the show. boy was i wrong. first of all, there were a lot more white people there than i expected. secondly, if any of the black folks (or even people of other ethnicities) had a problem with me, as a white guy, being there...well, i wouldn't have been able to tell. the atmosphere could not have been more comfortable. i didn't feel like an outsider at all, i felt like i belonged there.

i think the idea is that, whether you share similar experiences with an artist (be it music, film, or otherwise), the point of their artistic expression is to demonstrate the point of view that their experiences have informed/influenced/created. now, most of you may be saying, "duh!". but that kind of concept is not always as easy to apply as it otherwise might be. the fact that eminem has had the experiences that he has had probably did something to earn him some respect, but i think most of the respect he's gotten in hip hop has to do with his talent or skill to be an effective storyteller.

while i could never necessarily understand what it is to experience the violence, poverty, or even just desperation that hip hop artists describe in their music, i believe that it is possible to be closer to some sort of empathy or appreciation for that point of view if i listen to their music than if i don't. as far as i'm concerned, that compels to me to listen to it, and hear what they're saying. do i have a right? i don't know!...

i'm white, and i listen to rap.

movies i hate

2004-06-05T17:30:00.000-05:00

someone said something to me once that really pissed me off. he said, "it sure seems like you like a lot of crappy movies," (i'm paraphrasing, but the term "crappy movies" was definitely in there). of course, i got defensive...but i think that's what he was going for.

i guess if i was to look at it from someone else's perspective, that guy may be "right". see, i was at a job interview for a movie rental place not too long ago, and there were 2 "scenario" questions during the course of the interview. this is where the interviewer wants you to put yourself into a certain scenario and gauge your reaction against a range of things that he/she wants to hear.

the first scenario was easy, "put yourself in a situation where someone comes into the store and is thinking about renting a particular movie which you happen to have enjoyed. this person asks you whether or not you think they should rent the movie. what would you say?" i like a lot of movies, so that was easy.

scenario 2 was just the opposite, "think of a movie you hated." i froze. i just couldn't think of one. why is that? there are plenty of movies that i hate(d). true, i like a lot of them, but i'm not above seeing a movie and wishing i had that time back.

for this reason, here, now, is a list of movies i've hated (in some cases, i am listing only the title of a series of movies, if i hate all the movies in a given series). now, this list is by no means meant to be exhaustive. i've even included the name of a genre (no more than 1 at this writing). i obviously haven't seen all movies in the genre listed, but all the ones that i have seen have caused me to wish i was, instead, having every hair on my body torn out one at a time.

i make sweeping generalizations from time to time. but, for practical reasons, i have tried to make sure that my list is not characterized by sweeping generalizations (except the whole genre thing).

of course, i am listing only movies i have seen all/part of. i don't recall ever renting/paying to see a movie and stoping in the middle of the movie (unless i was with others and they left me no choice... i.e. it would have been stopped by a general but not unanymous decision), so for the most part these will be movies that i've seen all of.

with some of the items on the list, it may be the case that it was on TV and i decided not to suffer the duration, but these are mainly ones viewed in the context of "we're watching a movie now". at the top of the list i provide the date because occasionally i may be thinking and remember another that's not on the list.

perhaps a future post may contain the names of 3 movies that i love and why.

so, if you don't like that the name of a particular movie or series is on my list...deal with it! we live in a day and age when it's apparently no longer considered fashionable to be too concerned about the p.c. of one's opinions about film:

(July 19/04)
1. Star Wars
2. James Bond
3. Freddie Got Fingered (and i like tom green)
4. Bridges of Madison County
5. The Horse (Hoarse) Whisperer
6. Somewhere in Africa
7. Love Story
8. Dirty Dancing
9. Clockwork Orange
10. musicals
11. The Man Who Wasn't There
12. Citizen Kane
13. Casablanca
14. A River Runs Through It
15. Love Story (as bile rises in my throat)
(to be cont'd...)

The Introduction

2004-05-27T17:01:00.000-05:00

hi. welcome to standard rant. if you've made a wrong turn, and ended up here by accident, you are now trapped...there's no turning back. you may as well read the posts.